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-   -   Heartbreak: 2 GirlCaleb: 0 (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3986)

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 03:31 PM

Heartbreak: 2 GirlCaleb: 0
 
So, I got dumped last night. I feel down and confused. My 2nd boyfriend decided that it was too much to handle. He told me that he could not share me and he would get himself into trouble if I ever came to visit him. He does not want to only spend a few days with me at a time and then "send me off to another man". I have known this guy for years (7). We have had some issues with this before so I'm not completely surprised. It's just a bummer. I thought he was actually getting used to the idea of me being poly. It seemed like he wanted to give it a try. I guess I was being selfish. He told me it would be best if I didn't contact him again. That's the part that really hurts. I know it's best for him. He's still very young. It hurts. I've spent years trying to show him how much he means to me. He just can't deal with any type open relationship. I'm just venting. If this post is in the wrong place I do apologize. I know it's silly to say it but I feel as if I'll never find a man that can handle me (and my boyfriend). Ah, heartbreak. No matter how many times I deal with it, it never gets easier.

GroundedSpirit 10-16-2010 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 49034)
.............. I know it's silly to say it but I feel as if I'll never find a man that can handle me (and my boyfriend). Ah, heartbreak. No matter how many times I deal with it, it never gets easier.

Hey Girl,

Consider that you may be fishing in the wrong stream ?

GS

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 03:36 PM

where should I fish?

Ariakas 10-16-2010 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 49038)
where should I fish?

My initial thought, maybe find a poly stream :)

Sounds like you had a mono boyfriend who was honest about not being able to handle it.

Quote:

He told me it would be best if I didn't contact him again.
Give him (and you) time, if he was a friend he can be again. But breaking that lover bond takes some people time :)

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 49039)
My initial thought, maybe find a poly stream :)

Sounds like you had a mono boyfriend who was honest about not being able to handle it.



You're right. He was honest. He told me from the start years ago that he didn't like the fact that I wanted more than one partner. So I can't be mad at him. I'm actually proud. He stood up and told me what I needed to hear. He's all grown up now. It's time for me to stop messing up his head and give him his space.

About the Poly stream :o, I have often wondered about looking online but it just doesn't feel the same. I feel as if I am cheating. I want to meet someone and have that magical feeling take over. Yes, I am a dreamer. I have met a good man online before. I still see him from time to time. Only problem is that he lives across the country. He is also not someone I want to count as "mine". we are just friends and we have sex. It works for the both of us.

What I really want is another man to share my life with, not just sex. I am sure I'm not the only girl on here that favors the idea of polyandry more than other types of relationships. It's just hard finding men that aren't put off by the idea. Funny note, the man that just dumped me was all for him, me, and another woman. Guys just make me go nuts when they bring this up. Is it just insecurity? I'm rambling now.

Ariakas 10-16-2010 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 49042)
About the Poly stream :o, I have often wondered about looking online but it just doesn't feel the same. I feel as if I am cheating. I want to meet someone and have that magical feeling take over. Yes, I am a dreamer. I have met a good man online before. I still see him from time to time. Only problem is that he lives across the country. He is also not someone I want to count as "mine". we are just friends and we have sex. It works for the both of us.

Why do you have to find poly people online :D...don't you live in a big city? Why not hit up a poly meetup.

Quote:

What I really want is another man to share my life with, not just sex. I am sure I'm not the only girl on here that favors the idea of polyandry more than other types of relationships. It's just hard finding men that aren't put off by the idea. Funny note, the man that just dumped me was all for him, me, and another woman. Guys just make me go nuts when they bring this up. Is it just insecurity? I'm rambling now.
Why is his enjoyment of polygamy any worse than your want of polyandy. Personally I would never enter into a polyandry agreement. And honestly reading on polyandry made me reconsider my polygamist ways. Its just to difficult to ask a person to 100% commit to you, but you aren't 100% invested in them. :)

vodkafan 10-16-2010 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 49042)
, I am sure I'm not the only girl on here that favors the idea of polyandry more than other types of relationships. .

Hi girlcaleb. I was interested that you favour the idea of polyandry. That is the first time I have heard anybody mention it on here apart from me.
I am in a polyandrous relationship. That is the model my wife identifies with and she thinks of me and her new guy as full husbands. He helps out looking after the kids. It works fine.

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 49043)
Why do you have to find poly people online :D...don't you live in a big city? Why not hit up a poly meetup.



Why is his enjoyment of polygamy any worse than your want of polyandy. Personally I would never enter into a polyandry agreement. And honestly reading on polyandry made me reconsider my polygamist ways. Its just to difficult to ask a person to 100% commit to you, but you aren't 100% invested in them. :)

I never mentioned polygamy. I have no problems with my men seeing other women. My primary is involved with an awesome lady at the moment and I love her. I just thought that it was funny that some men I meet often see nothing wrong with dating multiple women yet these same men can not handle a woman that is dating multiple men. The man that dumped me just told me that he is too jealous to handle a poly relationship with me, him, and another man, but he did mention that he would be willing to enter a relationship with me if I only wanted to date him and other women.

I also do not live in a big city.

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 06:00 PM

Vodkafan, It's nice to know there are others out there. I am not closed off to any type of love. I welcome it all. I do, however, have an idea of what I'd like my life to be like. It just so happens to resemble a polyandry type relationship.
I'm not sure if it is because of the way I was raised or not. This relationship style makes me comfortable. It makes me happy. I know it won't be easy but all the fun is in trying right?

I am glad this forum is around. I would be lost with out it at times.

Ariakas 10-16-2010 06:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 49056)
I never mentioned polygamy. I have no problems with my men seeing other women. My primary is involved with an awesome lady at the moment and I love her. I just thought that it was funny that some men I meet often see nothing wrong with dating multiple women yet these same men can not handle a woman that is dating multiple men. The man that dumped me just told me that he is too jealous to handle a poly relationship with me, him, and another man, but he did mentioned that he would be willing to enter a relationship with me if I only wanted to date him and other women.

I also do not live in a big city.

Sorry my mistake, I thought you were in New York or something :o

Polyandry, which you mentioned is polygamy in reverse. If you are going to allow your men to date outside of just you, then I am not sure it can be polyandry. At least from my understanding :D


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