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-   -   Gday from DownUnder :P (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3985)

FlameKat 10-16-2010 10:55 AM

Gday from DownUnder :P
 
Okay so this is not my first post here... but it is the first one about me...

I am female, very recently divorced (so recent the court case for parenting issues is in the next month - and its a doozy). Lived up until this year as monogamous... still am I suppose...

My entire life I have "adopted" people - brought them into my family because I loved them and wanted them to be my family... therefore I have an huge number of older...and younger brothers and not a shortage of sisters either (I am heterosexual, tho not adverse to female interaction/participation)

Have been separated from my ex for 2 years, and in a LDR for about that as well. Have met my partner IRL twice and he is, as we speak, on a plane on his way over here. We Skype constantly, and MSN and Blackberry which is what has kept us going... surprisingly we have never had trust issues at all - very surprising as my ex was a serial cheater (among other things), and he has been severely hurt and cheated on in the past as well.

Recently I found I had developed very serious feelings for his best friend (he also would write to me and MSN), I figured it was just that old family thing I mentioned earlier taking hold... but this was different. His friend has been difficult to get talking, it was very important to me that we be friends though as they were very close (though had rifts when I met them both).

In the process of becoming his friend too, we developed feelings for each other. I do not how deep his run and as he is no longer speaking to either of us, can't ask. He was always evasive on the subject and when I started looking for an answer to how I was feeling, and came across 'the poly way' he reacted angrily and as I said he is no longer speaking with either of us. (He seemed to be angrier that my partner was accepting of my thoughts about this fitting me than he was about me being this way... if you understand - They are both very mono...)

My partner was hurt by my revelations (this has been very recent) and coped much better than I was expecting... In that he is accepting that I love his friend and that his friend likely loves me, now comes the more difficult part of sorting out... Am I ok with it? I know that if I go deeper into my psyche there are answers in there I do not want to deal with (I was raised by hands off parents... sex ed was a book and masturbation was disgusting etc and so forth)

I know I need to go deeper into it because this lifestyle is what I have been looking for... the whole extended/intentional family is what I have been doing for years and didn't know it (just for me I never had overly romantic feelings for any)... For my partner, not so much... he is willing to let me explore on the stipulation that if he can't handle something we stop until he can deal with it or we just don't go there if he can't (assuming he has TRIED to deal) his bee in the bonnet is sex, he is okay with me loving others... just not sex. For me I don't know I could go as far as sex anyway... (mind you I havent questioned myself deeply on that one either and with all the court stuff at the moment, now is not the time... one of the reasons I am doing this post now, hoping I can get it out and let it sit while I focus on finishing this chapter before moving to the next)

That's me at the moment... moving from one mess.... to another now .... where did I leave my broom?

*comments welcome btw*

AutumnalTone 10-16-2010 11:19 PM

Welcome aboard.

If you're wanting a discussion on your situation, go ahead and post on the New to Poly board to get one started.

FlameKat 10-17-2010 12:38 AM

Hi Autumnal,

not specifically looking for a discussion just yet - as I said the court stuff is too important to be distracted from (though I am obviously so focused being in here again :p).

Just saying "g'day, this is me" :p though really its "this is my situation and only a very broad overview" :p I will definitely post in the 'new to poly' section in a few weeks time. I am hoping to talk to my partner and get him sign up and have a chat as well, he has already had a look around...:cool:

FitChick 10-17-2010 09:28 AM

Welcome to the board,I'm from Downunder too (NZ) :)


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