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-   -   *waves shyly* Hello (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3965)

Lindorah 10-14-2010 05:20 AM

*waves shyly* Hello
 
Hi, I'm Chris, female, 30 and living in Oklahoma. I am rather new to polyamory as an actual defined idea but have been in a poly relationship for about 9 months now. I hope that makes sense. I'm new to the lingo so bear with me as I try to explain my current situation, which feels complicated to me.

I've been married to my husband for 9 years now and we've been together for 13. I was monogamous up until 9 months ago and by some standards still am. I met someone online through a roleplaying game and got to know him better over time, eventually developing feelings for him beyond friendship, he did the same as well toward me. We finally admitted our feelings early this year and have formed a relationship but we have never met, only talked on the phone. While getting to know him I also got to know one of his male partners and we became a triad as I love them both.

Throughout this developing relationship I have been open and honest with my husband about everything that goes on. He has been very understanding and accepting, though he is content with monogamy for the time being. So to sum it up I guess I would be the point of a V with one side being a triad.

Some of my primary concerns right now are making sure that my husband and I communicate consistently about our feelings about our current situation, so far so good on that front.

My other concern relates to the nature of online and long-distance relationships and whether or not they will actually be fulfilled in person. Sometimes I have my doubts that we will actually meet and that makes me wonder where that puts me. I have considered looking for another partner that I can be with physically, not just emotionally, but that is just a half-formed wish at this point.

So that's me at present. I look forward to learning more and talking with others about polyamory. I'm glad to find a place to talk with open, like-minded people about a life that I don't share with anyone else beyond my partners.

ImaginaryIllusion 10-14-2010 05:21 AM

Gaming Rawks.

Welcome to the Forum.

Tonberry 10-14-2010 09:39 PM

Welcome!
Be wary of trying to find someone to fill the physical needs, if what you actually want is to be physical with a specific person. Other people won't replace that, they make a poor substitute and could leave you feeling worse about the whole thing!

Best of luck with all of it.

Lindorah 10-14-2010 10:21 PM

Thank you for the input Tonberry. I hadn't thought about it in that perspective and you are right. It is those two who I want to be with, I'm just at a loss for what to do in the situation. I want to be closer and they say they want to be closer but at this point it's all just words. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm being strung along but I don't know how to express that without calling their honesty into question.

Ragabash 10-15-2010 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindorah (Post 48779)
Thank you for the input Tonberry. I hadn't thought about it in that perspective and you are right. It is those two who I want to be with, I'm just at a loss for what to do in the situation. I want to be closer and they say they want to be closer but at this point it's all just words. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm being strung along but I don't know how to express that without calling their honesty into question.

If there's somebody here who knows about long distance relationships, it's Tonberry. When she and I first got together (we've been married two years now) there was a difference of eight time zones, and right now her boyfriend is in another country, so you could say making long distance work is par for the course for her.

If your husband and interest want to be closer as well, though, I would say let them talk online so they get to know each other. I know getting to know Tonberry's boyfriend really the relationship, because it took him from being "the guy my wife is dating" to being a friend who is dating my wife. It's no less weird to explain to friends, but it makes me feel better.

GroundedSpirit 10-16-2010 02:38 PM

Ummmmmmmmm

Yea, isn't it interesting how the universe brings people in (and out) of our lives :)

There's a lesson in here somewhere for everyone. My thoughts...........
Don't label it. Don't try to put a box around it. Keep your eyes and curiousity open.
No telling what direction this will lead - regardless of whether you ever physically meet these guys or not. The change is still in motion. Pay attention :)

GS

AutumnalTone 10-16-2010 11:16 PM

Welcome aboard.


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