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-   -   Satisfying the relationship of three (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39600)

TantricSpirit 01-30-2013 06:19 PM

Satisfying the relationship of three
 
I found this article by David Noble addressing Unicorns, discretion, honesty, fairness and jealousy in a poly relationship. I found this to be a wonderful article and may have some solutions for those hitting some obstacles along the road to a complete union of three.

Tantric Spirit

FindingMyselfInTheGrey 01-30-2013 07:11 PM

Can you provide a link or article title so that others may find it?

TantricSpirit 01-30-2013 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FindingMyselfInTheGrey (Post 181811)
Can you provide a link or article title so that others may find it?

Thanks, I forgot to do so:

http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/

FindingMyselfInTheGrey 01-31-2013 06:27 PM

Thanks for the link!
I took some time to read the article; wow lots of great information there.
I'm probably going to have to rearead it a few times in order for all of the info to sink in properly.

TantricSpirit 01-31-2013 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FindingMyselfInTheGrey (Post 181996)
Thanks for the link!
I took some time to read the article; wow lots of great information there.
I'm probably going to have to rearead it a few times in order for all of the info to sink in properly.

You're welcomed! You're not alone, lots of good information and I too have to re-read it to own it and follow it.

T

LotusesandRoses 03-16-2013 04:10 AM

What? Solo poly women are human beings with rights who should have their wishes and feelings taken into consideration? Stop the presses! This kind of radical idea could tear apart the poly community!

Razorbacktat 03-18-2013 03:15 PM

I think one of the hardest things to do in a poly relationship is to reprogram yourself to thing about others feelings first and yours second. It is human nature to think and protect yourself and your own needs first at the expense of the others in your poly family, but to be sucessful I beleive it is the absolute neccesity. If you are ever able to do so you get a great sence of peace.

Piroska 03-20-2013 08:04 PM

That was a great article. Thanks for posting it. A great way to explain the issues with stereotypical unicorn hunters for those who are new or don't understand yet.

SchrodingersCat 03-21-2013 05:53 AM

The article has come up a couple times, but thank you for reposting. I often use it to reply to ads from obvious unicorn hunters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Razorbacktat (Post 191445)
I think one of the hardest things to do in a poly relationship is to reprogram yourself to thing about others feelings first and yours second. It is human nature to think and protect yourself and your own needs first at the expense of the others in your poly family, but to be sucessful I beleive it is the absolute neccesity. If you are ever able to do so you get a great sence of peace.

Just poly relationships? That's hard to do in any relationship!

I'm inclined towards selfishness, but I do think of other people too. However, I do believe that everyone must look out for their own needs, because it's unfair to put that burden on someone else. The alternative is to allow your needs to be trampled on, and that's not healthy either.

It all comes down to communication. Protect your needs, and explain to your partners what you're doing and why. Allow them to communicate their own needs, and come to an agreement whereby all your needs can be met.

When I go out in the world, I go with the assumption that everyone is looking out for theirself. I rely on other people to communicate to me what their needs are and how I can help them meet them. In my marriage, that has been a huge learning process for both me and my husband. He struggles to make his needs known, especially when they conflict with my needs. I struggle to identify his needs without him expressing them. As he's started, bit by bit, to express his needs, he's learned that I will try to accommodate them if I can. That perpetuates a cycle where he feels more and more comfortable expressing his needs. Positive reinforcement.

elle 04-04-2013 05:59 PM

I love this:

Trust bravely.

Love boldly.

Risk with calculation.

Be open to new experiences.

Be strong in the face of your insecurity.

Dare to grab for the life you want.

Meet exciting people.

BE an exciting person.

Build valuable relationships.

Share intimacy.


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