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-   -   Ethicate when going out with my partner and her new boyfriend (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3945)

nightwalker 10-12-2010 03:27 PM

Ethicate when going out with my partner and her new boyfriend
 
I feel totally confused about how to behave when out with my primary partner and her new boyfriend. She is head over heels for him at the moment so should I let them hold hands and sit together on trains buses etc. Feels strange as I am so used to holding hands and sitting with her, etc.

Ariakas 10-12-2010 03:58 PM

why can't you both do it...???

One thing I have learned and sometimes forget in poly is to try not to overthink every move. Its tortuous for one thing and secondly ... well its really just torture. There is a flow to relationships, try and work within that flow and hopefully everyone gets the time they need. If you don't get the time you want, then verbalize it. Its pretty much all you can do :)

You might want to do some reading on NRE as well. Lots of great posts about it. There are a lot of rose coloured glasses being passed around at the early stages of a relationship. As long as you know of the potential problems then you can nip them in the bud :)

Fidelia 10-12-2010 04:20 PM

I second what Ari said. Good call, Ari. :)

nightwalker 10-18-2010 04:21 PM

ackward
 
He dosen't get close to my partner when I am aound and pretends I am invisable when I am there. Maybe time is needed for us all to get more comfortable.f

redpepper 10-18-2010 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nightwalker (Post 48373)
I feel totally confused about how to behave when out with my primary partner and her new boyfriend. She is head over heels for him at the moment so should I let them hold hands and sit together on trains buses etc. Feels strange as I am so used to holding hands and sitting with her, etc.

I think the ball should be in your court on this one... I think you can set the boundary as to what would be more comfortable. I don't hang over Mono when we are out or PN or Derby for that matter... out of respect for them all... you can ask for what you want and start negotiating what fits for all of you.


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