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-   -   New member from the Boston area (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39448)

ASoundGuy 01-29-2013 02:41 AM

New member from the Boston area

I'm a mid-40s male who lives and works in the Boston-Cambridge-Somerville area of MA. My wife and I have been exploring Poly for the past year-and-a-half. We move in a couple circles heavily populated by Poly folks, so we've been exposed to it for years, but are only just trying it out for ourselves.

Oddly enough, being the one who first brought up the idea, I am actually having much less success in finding relationships than she is, and it's beginning to become disconcerting. It doesn't make me resent her or anything, it's just depressing as hell!

I know part of the problem is that I've had Clinical Depression for most of my life and that makes it very hard to find interest among the women who all ready know me, and it also makes "selling myself" to new women problematic because I have no real faith in the good things about me.

Add to that the fact that, due to the depression, my wife and I haven't had a substantial physical relationship for almost 13 years, and you can imagine how frustrating this is.

Wel, I guess that's more like an introduction and a whine, but there it is.

Thanks for listening.


kdt26417 01-30-2013 03:09 AM

Hello ASG,
Welcome to our forum.

Have you been able to get some professional help for your depression? Counseling; support groups; meds? Is the lack of a substantial physical relationship at home mostly because you're not in the mood, or because your wife's not in the mood, or both?

Can you identify anything specific that's causing you to be depressed? or is it just a generalized feeling? Anything in your past that might have contributed to it?

Does the depression cause you to be introverted? Have you ever tried to make a list of good and bad qualities that you have? Maybe you would be surprised by how many positives there were. At the least, you'd have some idea what to work on and what to build on.

You're in one of the best-supported areas for polyamory in the country, so you've got that working on your side. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find the right person for you.

I hope Polyamory.com will be of some help to you.
Kevin T.

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