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-   -   Insecurity (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3939)

Hermes 10-11-2010 08:57 AM

Hey, guys.

I don't want to get too specific about this - I want it to be an open question. We all deal with things differently, and this is a common one, so I want to know:

What's your best way of dealing with insecurity?

Of any kind and in any situation.

Breathesgirl 10-11-2010 11:59 AM

When I get insecure I withdraw into myself & inspect what the problem is from all sides.

I get to the two or three possible issues, it's always more than one root cause with me, and take them to Breathes. We talk it through. I'm more emotional, he's more logical so his input is REALLY helpful. With his logical viewpoint I'm more able to get to what the problem really is and find workable solutions.

I blog on my LiveJournal. Writing really helps me . I just let the words flow to my fingers & onto the screen. I don't think about them too much.

I'll go to work with the problem on my mind. My job doesn't involve a lot of interaction with others so I'm able to think on things and come up with possible solutions which I then take to Breathes.

oregoncouple 10-11-2010 12:24 PM

I take time to myself and just relax and think about whats all going on around me and usually the root of my insecurity arises from that. And then i deal with it the best way possible.

Ariakas 10-11-2010 01:11 PM

I try to focus on the things I have 100% confidence in. I never feel 100% insecure, however there are parts of me that can become attacked. Lets call them personal weaknesses. Those things I know bug me and I assume, during duress, are why people are breaking up with me (one of the few times I feel very insecure)

I do have insecurity that comes in waves, but I have two women who like to stroke my ego so its hard to ever get to hard on myself. I recognize these happen during rough times. Crappy week at work etc. I try to head them off, but I am human so I sometimes fail. Insecurity for me almost always leads to self doubt, which creates its own problems.

I know this is a technique someone here expounded a while ago, I like it, but haven't had to use it. Make a list of all the qualities you love about yourself, and then a list of all the things you like. Keep the 2 lists for when you feel an "insecure" day.

redpepper 10-12-2010 07:22 AM

I talk about it with everyone who will listen until I feel secure again and have talked it through. Sometimes I just want others to witness my experience and sit back and listen rather than give advice. Sometimes I need some in put and will seek out those that I think would know about my issue. It depends... but I never get far at figuring stuff out if I keep quiet and try and do the work myself.

GroundedSpirit 10-12-2010 04:59 PM

I tend to chastise myself and fight to move past it.

My opinion and understanding of insecurity has always been that you either push past it or become a slave to it. The slave role doesn't suit me so..........

I look back at all the things/situations where I have felt insecure in the past and how I pushed through them. It only serves as a reminder that whatever this current one is - it's only one more like the others. So I just dig in and let past successes power me through this one too.

I suspect, after a while, if you can master this, it just flows naturally with hardly any hesitation.


FitChick 10-15-2010 09:22 AM

I have several close friends I talk to. even today when my partner and I were having issues about the amount of time he spends with his ex,my mother stepped in and gave me a little sage advice. Sometimes all I really need is a HUG xx

LovingRadiance 10-15-2010 10:44 PM

Mostly-I write.
I OFTEN will write to GG. He tends to have the perfect words to alleviate my fears.
Insecurity is all about fear-and usually NOT what you are claiming to be insecure about.

If I'm feeling insecure about Maca going out on a date.
I'm not afraid of him dating.
I'm afraid of losing him.
It's that simple.

If I'm feeling insecure about GG hanging out with his friends/family who hate me.
I'm not afraid of GG socializing.
I'm afraid of losing him.

It's that simple.

When I express insecurities to GG-he always knows the right words to remind me that NO I'm not going to lose Maca. No I'm not going to lose GG. No I'm not going to lose my kids love etc etc.

He picks up on my personal truths and personal strengths and reminds me of them which refocuses my mind on the positive.


CurlySquirrel 10-16-2010 01:39 AM

One simple word... Communication.

If you can't communicate with your partner(s), it's time to move on.

girlcaleb 10-16-2010 06:24 PM

I usually tell myself that I'm great. I have days where I fell a bit less than, but they don't last long. I also spend time on something personal. I walk my dog or work on my models. I also read lots. Reading takes my mind off any bad mojo I may be feeling. I do have good friends. They can cheer me up easily.

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