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-   -   Marriage, Love, and Extended Vacations (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3882)

Elvaanmonk 10-05-2010 04:09 AM

Marriage, Love, and Extended Vacations
 
So... I'm new to the poly thing. I've found it very freeing. It's nice to have two best friends, and my husband's about as intense as it gets(in a good way, believe me) so it's nice to share his... enthusiasm... with another friend. We have a daughter who's beautiful, and while his job drives him nuts we're both happy with it. All said, life's pretty good right now with prospects to get a lot better.

I guess right now I'm struggling on two things right now. First is a Long Distance Relationship with my husband. I guess that's pretty standard. The Second is this finding happiness as a fledgling poly when it clashes rather badly with his job. Right now, it's not a problem. He's gone on his 'Extended Vacation' as he likes to call it. He can't join in, so there's nothing he can get in trouble for, but when he gets back we're both like to make whatever happens with whoever I meet into something serious... and I don't know how to do it with him doing what he does. The Army looks down on poly to the point of making it a bit of a rules violation. Living with someone "as If" they're married, or sleeping with someone who isn't your spouse are both punishable actions. So... I know it can be done, and done to satisfaction, but are there any other military polys that can share their experience?

sage 10-09-2010 09:01 PM

Hi and welcome

I can't be of much help I'm afraid because I know nothing of the American armed forces and by the looks of the replies you've had no one much else does either.

There's a poly group at yahoo groups, maybe someone there could shed some light. Otherwise there are quite a few poly blogs you could wade through if you're really keen.

It's hard to believe consensual non-monogamy could be a punishable offense, but then I find a lot of things hard to believe.

Good Luck

phoenix762 10-09-2010 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elvaanmonk (Post 47278)
So... I'm new to the poly thing. I've found it very freeing. It's nice to have two best friends, and my husband's about as intense as it gets(in a good way, believe me) so it's nice to share his... enthusiasm... with another friend. We have a daughter who's beautiful, and while his job drives him nuts we're both happy with it. All said, life's pretty good right now with prospects to get a lot better.

I guess right now I'm struggling on two things right now. First is a Long Distance Relationship with my husband. I guess that's pretty standard. The Second is this finding happiness as a fledgling poly when it clashes rather badly with his job. Right now, it's not a problem. He's gone on his 'Extended Vacation' as he likes to call it. He can't join in, so there's nothing he can get in trouble for, but when he gets back we're both like to make whatever happens with whoever I meet into something serious... and I don't know how to do it with him doing what he does. The Army looks down on poly to the point of making it a bit of a rules violation. Living with someone "as If" they're married, or sleeping with someone who isn't your spouse are both punishable actions. So... I know it can be done, and done to satisfaction, but are there any other military polys that can share their experience?

Mind, i am not poly, but I was in the service, was stationed@ Fort Campbell, KY, when I met my (ex) husband. At the time, he was separated from his wife, and living on post, and my understanding (after speaking with his ex) was that she wanted nothing more to do with him, so...well, in hindsight I made a HUGE mistake, but I dated him. (and eventually married him. another HUGE mistake....)

I could have been in a world of hurt if the ex or anyone else made a formal complaint to the CO. He was still married, and he was a NCO to boot, and I was an E-3 (PFC) at the time. Both big no-no's....however, people were aware (and yes, I mean my platoon sergeant, the CO, and the 1st sergeant) and, you know what?
They didn't care...as long as I or the (then BF) caused no problems.

The ex was not in my direct chain of command, i.e., he would not have been in a position to be my boss in any way, We were in different platoons, but the same company-a medical company, I was a medic and he was a respiratory therapist.

That being said....technically, if you are sleeping with a person that is NOT your married spouse, yes, the solider could get an Article 15 and a reprimand from the CO, something about moral infidelity?
Something like that, I don't recall what they call it.

However, I really don't think they actually put this into practice unless they want to make an example of a solider or....they want to find a reason to nail a solider they don't like...you know how that goes....mind, that's just my experience, I was in a medical platoon, and this was 1995-1998...so, do with that what you will...

Oh, and if you are living "on the economy" or off post....how are they gonna know what you all are doing after duty hours? What you need to do (if you can) is live off post in an area where a lot of military DO NOT live. That's what we did, the ex was just sick of laying eyes on military peeps after he was done work;0D


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