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-   -   Poly and facebook (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3880)

spaghetticat 10-05-2010 03:15 AM

Poly and facebook
 
I hve searched and read a few posts but they didn't really answer what I wanted to talk about... so I hope its okay i am starting a new post. I don't really know where else to post to... There is a TLDR version at the bottom :)

Alright just a bit of background I am not sure how much I have posted. I have discovered that I am a poly person, different things throughout my life hinted at it but I had no idea what it was as I had monogamy shoved down my throat.

Fast Forward to today, I have two wonderful men in my life who I love dearly. They are wonderful, loving, caring men, who are both very different and fill my life with joy in different ways. While the relationship is still fairly new.. about 2 months with my secondary and a few years with my primary- I was very hesitant in attaching any kind of label including poly to our relationship until my primary and I had established what we were comfortable with and got our testing for fluid bonding all fixed.


Fast Forward.... It was recently something important in one of my relationships. Okay i know maybe you are just going to say Facebook is the devil, but I LOVE having it to stay connected. We are only "out" to a few close friends and one family member who is also poly. Recently I have just felt really sad about not being able to express my love and talk about our relationship a little on his page.

Obviously in my situation it would be ridiculous to do so, as we have several mutual friends, and most have some idea my primary and I have an alternative relationship, about 3 know who it is, and he is part of this close knit group.

Anyways I got the idea to make a second facebook, yes a fakebook I guess. Its still me, though at the moment it just has him and a couple other not close friends and an anonymous name- already this makes me feel like people are going to figure it out, I guess I have a certain style of writing.

There is really only one person who I am uncomfortable knowing who I am with, most of the other people don't give it a second thought and we kind of ignore our relationship when we go out (once a month, its not a big deal) with this group.

Anyways is this a totally stupid idea to have a second facebook so I can love on him online? It might sound stupid, but I see people all over his wall asking when he is going to fiind someone (long history he broke up with a very long term girlfriend several months, almost a year ago). But honestly its more a selfish motive.

We have talked about this and he says a. he is okay with the second facebook but i might need to find a better name, and b. figure out some way to not sound like myself?

His main issue is his concern over me and my primarys relationship (He is seriously, very very very considerate and I love him so much for the respect he has for that relationship). I guess his family is very conservative and very nosy, a couple already know he is "seeing someone" but more like playing the field, only his closest cousin knows the whole situation and I guess just recently realized that not only does my primary know about my secondary- they are actually decent friends! His family is really into being involved with the relationship so the second they start asking questions or I post something they are going to want to know who I am, what I do, meet me etc.... anyways


TLDR Version


Is having a second FB account just so i can love on him without worrying what I might say stupid? Should I just accept we cant have that? Can we have that? I feel a bit deceptive in doing it but I feel like its the only way. We both love having the verbal slightly public PDA be it holding hands (he lives about an hour away so thats not a big deal) but anyways... do you think its worth it? Is this just a pipe dream and I should forget about it??

Advice, opinions, experience all welcome, just try to be nice:p

ETA another reason why I want to keep it semi private is it seems whenever i explain to clsoe friends who I think its okay to talk to about poly, they take it as me hitting on them or an opportunity to say or think they are poly. I am not saying they are or aren'r but quite frankly I just say it so they dont think i am cheating on my primary and I am just good with the two wonderful men, i dont know how i could fit more relationships in!

MonoVCPHG 10-05-2010 03:32 AM

Start another account...we'll all friend you and then you will have at least a few other friends on there LOL! You can have a whole other online community of FB friends and be open about loving any way you want :)

spaghetticat 10-05-2010 03:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 47261)
Start another account...we'll all friend you and then you will have at least a few other friends on there LOL! You can have a whole other online community of FB friends and be open about loving any way you want :)

Awww you are way too sweet!
Actually after talking to another friend we are working on making one that is similar to me, such as my background and interests but not specifically me. Basically me from another angle so that I dont feel so deceptive.

MonoVCPHG 10-05-2010 04:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spaghetticat (Post 47264)
Awww you are way too sweet!
Actually after talking to another friend we are working on making one that is similar to me, such as my background and interests but not specifically me. Basically me from another angle so that I dont feel so deceptive.

Well I've already signed on so feel free to deceive me ;)

spaghetticat 10-05-2010 05:01 AM

Why thank you mono :D

MonoVCPHG 10-05-2010 05:07 AM

As a long term pain in the ass on the forums I'll vouch for you...because you know bald people and that is all I need to friend anyone ;)

spaghetticat 10-05-2010 05:09 AM

hehehe :) Thank you! I really do appreciate it. I am literally sitting here grinning ear to ear because even though I know there are complications and it will take some time, I know soon I will be able to verbalize on facebook (yay!) how much I care about him, without causing issues outside of my mono life.. if that makes sense?

MonoVCPHG 10-05-2010 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spaghetticat (Post 47307)
hehehe :) . if that makes sense?

Sure does. There's a freedom in that :)

spaghetticat 10-05-2010 06:46 PM

Yay! PS feel free to add me on FB! Yay for having a poly FB :)

Derbylicious 10-05-2010 07:25 PM

Who are you on Facebook? I've considered making another FB account as well since the derby stuff and my real life stuff get all mixed in together and there's just some things that work and my family don't need to know!


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