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-   -   Short rant (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38419)

Javabean 01-20-2013 08:02 PM

Short rant
Im new here. Trying to figure out what is going on with a woman i have been dating. Can someone pm me

sparklepop 01-20-2013 11:26 PM

What's up Javabean? Have you got a question you would like to ask about the woman you are dating? If you post it here, we can all try to help you.

Javabean 01-21-2013 06:36 PM

Is the silent treatment a form of breaking up?

AnnabelMore 01-21-2013 07:16 PM

I was broken up with that way once. We were in high school. So, I'd say that, yes, there are people, immature people, who use that as a way of breaking up. Really sorry if that's what's happening to you. I'd say, if it's really been a while -- like, a couple of weeks -- just leave the person a message saying "If you want to contact me to tell me what's up I will listen, but I'm assuming we're over and am going to start working on moving on."

Javabean 01-21-2013 07:25 PM

Well im very confused. Went from im so in love with you to silence. I really dont know what to do. I feel frozen. Hurt too.

AnnabelMore 01-21-2013 07:48 PM

Can you share any details -- how long you two had been together, how long the silence has been going on?

GalaGirl 01-21-2013 10:46 PM

If you are confused, could just ask for the clarify. Maybe something like...
"What's going on? Been silent a while. Are we broken up? How am I supposed to read this behavior?"
I know that can seem scary to do, but it's just a lot easier to be up front about things. Then you aren't left out a limb. YKWIM?


Javabean 01-24-2013 12:42 AM

I dont even know where to begin. We have been dating for close to a year. Last week she tells me how in love she is with me and that she is so lucky. I would see her she would be cuddly and affectinate. Next thing i know she doesnt text or email me anymore. I got used to that. It stopped.
I texted her saying hi how are you. I asked her if we are ok. She says yes just going with the flow right.
It feels like she is distancing herself. I love her a lot. I cherish her friendship and her. Maybe i expect too much. Its just when someone gives you so much for so long then it aruptly stops of course i am going to ask questions. Im not seeing anyone else bc we closed the relationship and i really have no desire to share myself with another right now. She doesnt care if i see anyone else. She also told me the situation is complicated and she has big decisions she needs to make.
How do i get myself out of this mono mind set? Ive never been mono, but with her i want to be. I just am not attracted to anyone else. When we are together for me anyway its amazing. We laugh, cuddle and talk about all kinds of stuff. I miss that.
I havent been easy to deal with. I have been insecure. I try to talk about relationship stuff but it comes out wrong and i think i push her away.
I just want someone to talk too.

GalaGirl 01-24-2013 01:47 AM


She also told me the situation is complicated and she has big decisions she needs to make.
Well... again. Could ask her what she needs from you at this time and get the clarify.

"What do you need from me at this time? Because I've noticed the change in behavior. Do we need to set a date for a serious talk? I'd like to know what to expect so I can prepare and clear time to talk. Are we breaking up? Do I fail to meet your wants and needs?"

It's not fun to feel how you are feeling right now -- so... let's just face the fears, and move it along so it moves forward. Not endless limbo.

You are not a mind reader.


Javabean 01-24-2013 02:01 AM

When i ask these type of questions it turns into an arguement. Its all my fault that i feel that way. Im the one with the issues not her kind of thing. That i am negative. She broke up with me once because i questioned her. Then wont talk to me and treats me like i am invisible. Then says she deserves to be treated better. That i dont support her. Which is untrue. I have been under stress and pressure lately. She gives me no comfort. Ive asked for a date night with her. Just her and i. She wont do it. I am so confused and hurt.
I asked her if i should see other people. She said if your sleeping with others i wont sleep with you anymore. I said should i get another gf. She siad thats up to you. I just dont get it
Ive been tempted to say something but it will blow up. I will be the one with the issue. She will close up even more. I hate arguing with her. She always wins.

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