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-   -   Trying to Understand who I am! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3825)

Guipoly 09-28-2010 03:25 AM

Trying to Understand who I am!
I am married; but fell in love with another woman (a coworker). It was love at first sight. My wife and I went through a hard time where we almost divorced. I am in love with both of them. After months talking about how she (my wife) and I felt, she indicated that if it was going to make me happy, to open our marriage to allow me to spend time with my other love. My wife has indicated that she is fine with me being poly, but she does not have a probmes with it provided that I did not expose myself or her to deceases.

My wife and I discussed sharing my time between the two of them, and making sure that her as well as my other love were treated equally. I spend some time every day at work with my other love (that my wife and I called "the twin"). It is magic. We have not implement any time sharing because one of my twin's grown daughters finished university and went back to leave with her. My twin has had some rough time with her daughters and feel that it is not the moment to reveal our closeness to them. It is a matter of time; but she is waiting for the right time. I am not in a rush either, I intent to spend the rest of my life with my two loves.

My wife has indicated that she accepts that I am poly; but the she will remain monogamous. I talk to both of them all the time about each other. I may overdo by constantly referring about the twin to my wife; but I believe it is because I spend more time with my wife that with the twin (twin because I really believe that she is my twin soul and my wife my soul mate - there is a huge difference)

She has indicated that she is not ready to meet the twin, as she will feel ackward. I believe that meeting each other should be when they are feel they are ready. I really hope that they become friends.

I will really appreciate any feedback on how to plan my time, on how to smooth when they meet, on how we can open up (come out of the closet) about me being poly and my relation with both of them , both women having me as their partner/husband; and what I can do to be a better husband to both of them.

I have said that I am open with them having other partners; but they have indicated that they are happy being monogamous; but I maintain an open mind.:)

ImaginaryIllusion 09-29-2010 06:04 AM

Welcome to the Forum

AutumnalTone 10-03-2010 06:11 PM

Welcome aboard.

spaghetticat 10-06-2010 09:02 PM

Welcome to the board!

jlpanian 10-07-2010 06:57 AM

I was hoping to interact with you by asking you a question.

I ask this because I was asked the same question, and I had a tough time really digging down coming up with an honest answer.

You want an open relationship with your twin soul. Your wife has expressed she wants to be mono. This path here greatly follows the same path I believe in. The tough question is this:

If your wife, changes her mind and says she wants to connect emotionally and physically with another man, would you be okay with it?

I personally could not accept my wife with another man. I am a complete and utter hypocrite, and its painful. My wife approached me with the idea of opening up our marriage to another straight female, which I think would be great. Like your wife, my wife wants to stay monogamous with me as the hinge in the FMF Vee. The difficult part is this (which I truly believe): Others have referenced poly lifestyle as Pandora's box, that once you accept and open it up, you cannot literally contain and close it back to meet your (meaning you personally, not necessarily now your wifes) views.

This is where I struggle, and I hope to gain some insight from your answer. If your like me, and cannot accept your wife in a poly lifestyle, would you then risk opening Pandora's box???

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