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marksbabygirl 09-27-2010 05:30 PM

What do I do?
 
I feel like I'm in "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events"

Something happened Thursday - which is not my story to tell. Reconnect time was needed after Thursday.

Friday - I had a day off - no kids around - W and I had the opportunity for much needed reconnect time. It was a freaking awesomely amazing day.

Saturday. Fuck I wish Saturday never happened. I came seriously close to moving out of my marriage. Enacting a seperation. The end of Saturday and a lot of Sunday found me in auto response mode. Tell me what to do, where to go, how to behave, I'll do it, I don't want to think or feel or hurt anymore. I was very close to just leaving. Packing up my things and moving into the spare room.

By Sunday afternoon - the *dead* feeling had mostly subsided - but I am in serious need of reconnect time with my husband. Our relationship is damaged and it needs to be repaired.

Problem is - they still need face to face reconnect time.

He's going through some physical issues. He's not really physically able to drive 45 minutes to go see her - which would be the *best* solution. I need my nights with him - no *competing* (and I use that word loosely) for his time and attention. So the usual - she comes down, hangs out with him and then with us and then spends the night... won't work for me.

So what would you do in this situation?

Derbylicious 09-27-2010 07:51 PM

Get them to get a hotel maybe less often for their nights together. If you need to be the focus when he's at home with you then he needs to find somewhere else where he can focus on her.

redpepper 09-28-2010 12:16 AM

It's hard to tell without knowing what happened, because the intensity of the whole thing is hard to gage.

I think it might just have to be that the two of you spend time together working it through until there is a comfort there to take him to her. If you were going to leave, then shouldn't that be worked out first? We are talking your marriage, kids, everything you know. She is a relationship of a short time and less investment (sorry P, I hope you know I think you rock, but), not worth losing your marriage over. I think she would understand if she has to wait.

Why can't she come to you? Ari isn't at home, it's not like she has him to be concerned about right now... maybe derby is right. Hotel. Although I would hold off and make sure you have worked it out with W first.

PollyPocket 09-28-2010 12:32 AM

MBG...your marriage is the thing dude. Fuck everything else. Work on this ONLY...I know...a bit harsh, but...

LovingRadiance 09-28-2010 01:27 AM

Wow, I don't know what's up down there, but my weekend was the same!
HOLY COW!

Thank God-we have reconnect time available to us. But damn it sucks that there are others going through this too!

:(

Mohegan 09-28-2010 01:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derbylicious (Post 46154)
Get them to get a hotel maybe less often for their nights together. If you need to be the focus when he's at home with you then he needs to find somewhere else where he can focus on her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 46193)
It's hard to tell without knowing what happened, because the intensity of the whole thing is hard to gage.

I think it might just have to be that the two of you spend time together working it through until there is a comfort there to take him to her. If you were going to leave, then shouldn't that be worked out first? We are talking your marriage, kids, everything you know. She is a relationship of a short time and less investment (sorry P, I hope you know I think you rock, but), not worth losing your marriage over. I think she would understand if she has to wait.

Why can't she come to you? Ari isn't at home, it's not like she has him to be concerned about right now... maybe derby is right. Hotel. Although I would hold off and make sure you have worked it out with W first.

Agree and Agree. It's hard to balance your relationship with their relationship. I am always afraid of coming across as whiney "well I'm his wife so I matter more". But when it comes to walking away from that marriage it's not about who matter more, it's about who needs the time at the moment. You are talking about walking away from a forever and always commitment. That to me says your relationship is the one that needs the time and the focus at the moment.

Karma doesn't like the whole primary secondary thing, so I try not to go there in thought. But I am the one he promised forever to, so if that is being threatened, for any reason, inlcuding our own actions, then it needs to be addressed before he goes to fix things with g/f. Just my opinion.

marksbabygirl 09-28-2010 02:20 AM

We figured it out.

She's coming down for a day visit so they get their connect time - but I don't lose my connect time.

Talked to P today - we really need to talk more - W will hold things back in an effort not to hurt one or the other of us and someone always hurts more :(

Tonight - I'm good, W is good, I'm hoping P is good because she is going to get the reconnect time they need.

Hotels are not an option at this time. They may be in the future, but right now, they're just not. I'm generally ok with the current set up - I enjoy P's company and it gives her and I some connect time too - but its usually with me being ok with W - if he and I aren't ok - the rest isn't either.

We're getting ok.

:)

Ariakas 09-28-2010 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 46193)
Why can't she come to you? Ari isn't at home, it's not like she has him to be concerned about right now... maybe derby is right. Hotel. Although I would hold off and make sure you have worked it out with W first.

hahaha...I love the wording. :p

I don't disagree...in both cases. And really they can reconnect daily as ong as money and health is ok. Even though I am home tomorrow I am not as available as W can be during the day. That leaves a lot of room for them to reconnect. :)


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