Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Hello from Australia! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38068)

Calurion 01-17-2013 11:54 PM

Hello from Australia!
Hi all!!

New to all of this, I thought I'd pop my head in here, and say hello, ask a few questions if that is okay :)

I'm 31, and my best friend/now lover has introduced me to this world. It's an interesting one to say the least. Her primary partner is an amazing guy and has been wonderfully supportive and friendly to me as well. Still getting used to that :)

She lives some hours away from me and other reasons, we're happy it being secondary (although her primary hates that term and we have had lively debates about it over drinks - he simply calls it another relationship ...)

in my life where I live, I'm still very much "single" so to speak - if that's what you call it. I have no primary relationship and this town unfortunately isn't the biggest .. About 50,000 people ? The dating game is bad enough as is. I'm interested how you all go about dates and whatnot and how you break it to potential partners. Before/during this all new changes, I was dating someone quite sweet and innocent but she broke it off for her own other, personal reasons. Doesn't mean it's not going to happen again.

Thanks for listening :)

Stevenjaguar 01-18-2013 04:19 PM

I don't see any other way than to bring it up that you're having a relationship with a married woman with her husbands consent. It doesn't have to be on the first date but def before it becomes sexual. You can probe around a little bit and see how she feels about traditional vs. non-traditional relationships. If it looks like she's against it, you have a choice of dropping the secondary role and going with her, or breaking it off.

Calurion 01-19-2013 02:46 AM

Thanks :)

They're not married (very early days for them)... We both discussed if I were ever to get into a relationship one day, we'd take that step back if needed. Regardless, we still love each other .. Sorry this is still new. I know some peple get jealous, even of a relationship like that. With or without the sex, its still very much a relationship of sorts.

kdt26417 01-19-2013 09:52 PM

Hi Calurion,
Welcome to our forum.

Stevenjaguar has it about right: At some point, early on, you bring it up that you're in a relationship with a polyamorous woman. You then ask your date if they have heard of polyamory, and if they have any questions about it. In the meantime, you learn as much as you can about polyamory so you can answer some of those questions.

Being in a poly relationship has its disadvantages, the main disadvantage being that it's just not accepted by mainstream society. As a result, you have to anticipate that it may be a difficult subject to bring up with someone you're dating, and yet you have to be honest and tell them, early on. Some people are going to be weirded out and there's not a lot you can do to safeguard against that.

I often suggest *not* dating at first, just developing platonic friendships. You can talk about polyamory with a platonic friend, without having the same amount of weirdness or pressure (like it's a proposition). Then you know if the person is okay with polyamory before things get romantic.

Hope this helps.
Kevin T.

Calurion 01-20-2013 09:48 AM

thanks for the advice.

yeah, i think you're right. tbh the dating game in this town is pretty gruesome as it is ;) i've spoken to a few friends about it so far. one has caused a little trouble, the other two are confused but understanding.

kdt26417 01-20-2013 08:52 PM

Yeah, it usually takes awhile for the uninitiated to wrap their mind around polyamory. And unfortunately, some people will give you grief over it.

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:00 AM.