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Roycroy 09-26-2010 05:26 PM

Hi
 
I'm from Canada. I have a wife and 2 stepchildren. We're all a happy family together. My wife and I love one another very much; we're very close and we share things like spirituality, a love of nature and good food, reading and raising the children together. The children are young and we are very close.

My wife came out to me this year and was very honest about her feelings for other women. She met someone, and the other woman is a very nice person. I did not have a problem with this relationship after my wife and I had explored our feelings about it.

The difficulty I'm facing is that over the last three months or so my wife has come to the realization that she is pretty much exclusively attracted to other women, and while she has been able and willing to sexually pleasure me her heart really is not in it. To be honest that side of our relationship has always been very challenging.

I'm embarrassed to write about this but I'm at a loss and haven't found much other than this forum where I might find some way of understanding how to deal with all this. What I'd like is for all of us to be happy. There has been no deliberate deception. My wife and I would like to stay together. The sexual element, which is missing for me, makes this difficult. I'm not sure where to go from here. People seem open minded and understanding here. Anyway, that's where I am so far.

Tonberry 09-26-2010 06:10 PM

Welcome!

So, what you are looking for is a sexual element? Does that mean you're interested in casual relationships, or would you also want a friendship or romantic attachment?
Or maybe you're not interested in getting sex from anyone but your wife? I'm not quite sure from your post.

At any rate, it sounds like apart from the lack of sex which is a problem for you, you have a nice relationship, loving and understanding, so good for you guys :)
Is your wife's relationship with her girlfriend in the open or is it more of a "secret" thing? Does she come over to your place, has she met you and your (step)children, etc?
I'm trying to understand the dynamics of the relationship, that's the only reason I'm asking, there is no right or wrong answer of course :)

Roycroy 09-26-2010 06:38 PM

My wife's relationship with her girlfriend is known as a friendship to the kids, so she does come over and stuff like that.

My wife and I have an intimate relationship but not a sexual one. That is to say we shower together, we cuddle in bed together, we hug and kiss. She treats me with great tenderness. I had hoped we could have a sexual relationship but I think she is being honest with me when she says she is a lesbian. The priority, we have agreed, is our family and so it was out of love for my wife that I accepted her lesbianism. She accepts that I'm pretty much heterosexual and need a sexual relationship with another woman.

Right now I'm mostly grieving for what I had hoped for originally, a good sexual relationship with her, which after years of trying has not worked out. I guess I'm trying to explore whether I want a sexual relationship with someone else--I am capable of desiring other people--or whether I really just want my wife and have to figure out where to go from there. It feels strange to contemplate seriously being open to having another woman as a lover when I have been very devoted to my wife and very much in love with her.

ImaginaryIllusion 09-26-2010 11:19 PM

Sounds like you'll have along and interesting road ahead of you. I think you found your way to a place that should be able to help you find your way.

Welcome to the Forum.


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