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-   -   Who started it? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3779)

TruckerPete 09-23-2010 05:00 PM

Who started it?
Indigo has pointed out to me that many people he's told about our poly assume that as the male half of our couple, he initiated it. This is not the case.

So, in the interest of science, who started it in your relationship, if it wasn't already in place? :D

ETA: I've realized I have excluded anyone who came into a tribe/established couple. Please place your vote in "We were both Poly." or of course, "I hate polls."

Advance apologies to the other poly configs I am sure I've excluded .. *facepalm*

Magdlyn 09-23-2010 05:51 PM

We are both women. We'd both been poly before we met. And so no one initiated it. I needed multiple choice!

SourGirl 09-23-2010 05:53 PM

We share the pants in our relationship, but I definitely started this. (female half)

Ariakas 09-23-2010 06:00 PM

hmmm...thats tough, we have always been open. Thats mutual. However I was the first one to fall in love with another. But in the same breath she has always been poly capable. Very loving woman. The poly label and the idea of poly as an actual definition, I pushed for that. I am a need to know person, so I really needed to figure out what was happening to my brain.

I still say both.

TruckerPete 09-23-2010 06:01 PM


Originally Posted by Magdlyn (Post 45568)
We are both women. We'd both been poly before we met. And so no one initiated it. I needed multiple choice!

Yep. I figured I'd leave some people out inadvertantly ... Hence the "I hate polls" option. :D

Ragabash 09-23-2010 06:05 PM

It was definitely Tonberry who started our poly relationship.

River 09-23-2010 06:30 PM

We were both poly-oriented--more or less--before we met. But we talked about it and made a conscious decision to mutually embrace a poly relationship style.

And we are a same sex couple (male). So we seem to fit at least two criteria in the voting options. Hmm.

Indigomontoya 09-23-2010 06:33 PM

Yeah it was TP who first said she needed poly, but then it could be said that I gave the green light.

In terms of discussion, I find that people have generally assumed I initiated the poly in a negative way. Like I am the jerk forcing my need for multiple partners on TP...like I mentioned in my blog one person actually asked "you have someone already, is that not enough?"

MonoVCPHG 09-23-2010 06:43 PM

How can I answer this :confused: Let's say my overwhelming love for Redpepper dragged me into polyamory ;)

Lemondrop 09-23-2010 06:52 PM

I need to qualify my answer as well...when we were given an opportunity, Easy said, "I will follow whatever decision you make" and wouldn't tender an opinion. So, technically, I chose to open our relationship to poly, which is a decision I take responsibility for. However, there was a looooong lead-up to it, and I will admit I felt some pressure to agree to it--whether that pressure was real or imagined, I may never know. So, technically, the female half of our marriage chose poly, but there's some possibility that secret societies conspired to create the events which caused the ultimate outcome.

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