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-   -   Clashing Emotions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3762)

Razycay 09-21-2010 04:59 PM

Clashing Emotions
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half. I'm poly and she is to the point that she will do it for me because she loves me.

Over the past few months an intimate relationship has developed between myself and another girl, whom I've known for about a year now, that my girlfriend cannot stand.

I have developed very deep affections towards this other girl despite my girlfriends dislike. I care for them both deeply, but my girlfriend cannot tolerate to be around this other girl.

How do you deal with loving two people when one can't stand the other?

MonoVCPHG 09-21-2010 05:11 PM

Well I think the first thing you need to do is fugure out everyone's goals for the relationships.

Does anyone have visions of long term committed investment? Kids, marraige, houses and the like or are the natures of these relationships more casual without much in the way of future expectations; seeing where things go and that sort of thing.

If there is an expectation for long term involvement then you've got a challenge on your hands. If it is more casual in nature then perhaps keeping them apart and having a DADT policy will work.

If your girlfriend hates this woman it may have more to do with her actually hating the concept of poly than the individual....that would be my guess. Your new interest is probably the physical manifestation of something she is really not wanting to cope with.

redpepper 09-21-2010 08:56 PM

I agree with Mono's statements in terms of asking yourself what your goals are. It's hard to do when you are in love and thinking in the moment and usually goals would not be an issue, but it might help you clarify what is worth pursuing. You are in for a long haul if you decide to keep at it and love two that don't get along.

Does the new love tolerate your girlfriend?

I suggest doing some reading on some of the blogs. There are some interesting dilemmas around which you speak.

here are two suggestions.

Razycay 09-22-2010 02:29 PM

Pepper: My new love has no problems with my girlfriend. My girlfriends does not like her for reasons such as her physical appearance (my new love is smaller that her) and to a certain extent her personality is opposite of hers.
And thank you for the links. reading even the first few pages have been enlightening and comforting in the way that at least I'm not alone
Mono: I can see how it may be her not wanting to cope with the poly. We have had a another before and all three of us got along. Situations just came up that the relationship between my girlfriend and I and the other were not meeting all of each others needs so we parted. Since then I think my girlfriend has been weary of it.

My girlfriend and I have talked about long term goals and what we want down the road. Between my new love and I we haven't been able to get that far because we've all been dealing with how to cope with the current situation. So that's one point to start. Thanks.

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