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-   -   Drinking as an excuse? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37618)

skyfire322 01-17-2013 08:35 AM

Drinking as an excuse?
My girlfriend (who I'll call Anne) and I have been in a poly relationship for two years. When we first talked about it, we set up a few rules just so there is mutual understanding. One of which is to let the other party know that if something were to happen, to let the other one know out of respect.

Before I go any further, Anne has been attracted to one of our mutual friends (who I'll call Don). We've both talked to him on separate occasions, and we all agreed that if something happened, we'd let the other know. Also, I moved out of state because of a new job opportunity, so I haven't seen her in months.

Anywho, Anne came down, and we, with a few of our friends (including Don), went to a party where the alcohol was flowing like a rushing river. I met a very attractive girl (who I'll call Suzie) there, and we started talking. I kind of had a feeling that something might happen, so I asked Anne if it was alright just to be on the safe side. A day later, I told Anne that something did happen (just a make out session), and she thanked me for my honesty.

Two days passed, and I got an "FYI" message from Anne saying that her and Don had made out heavily as well. She mentioned that both had a decent amount to drink, and went for a walk. After that, she stated that "they were hanging out, and stuff happened from there, and that she didn't anticipate anything. If she had known, she would have told me."

My question is this... Knowing that both Anne and Don were drunk, have been attracted to each other for awhile, and knowing that "nothing was anticipated", would you consider inebriation as an excuse for this? Or have I put myself in a situation where assumptions were made, thinking it was alright since I "gave my approval" in a certain sense?

Maybe I'm being too paranoid, and a little overprotective... I just have a very odd feeling in my gut. Don is like a brother to me, and Anne and I have been in a relationship for over 7 years.

Helo 01-17-2013 09:59 AM

In my experience, alcohol just removes the chocks from things you wouldn't do sober.

If someone's secretly an asshole, they'll be an asshole while drunk.

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