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-   -   The Family Dilemma (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3737)

Athena 09-16-2010 04:22 PM

The Family Dilemma
 
Will be going back to work soon as a full time shrink (MD type) in a few weeks after having first (and hubby prefers only) child. Admittedly we both often put in 90 hour weeks (he's a lawyer type), but I still (having been an only child) want kiddo to have at least one sib if not more. My husband (also raised as an only child) is not on the same page with me. My husband also initially preferred swing, but then agreed to polyfi. Neither of us, as far as is known to me, have any realistic prospects right now for either type of relationship. I am recovered from the birth and from a post birth episode of bipolar disorder that is way med controlled right now. We did quite a bit of couples counseling over a number of other issues, and have temporarily tabled the adding sibs issue since our first child is so young, and I have to see how getting back to work works out, before doing anything else. Also, my husband wants to be sure he is always the main primary, that our finances aren't mixed in with anyone else's than us two, and wouldn't be thrilled with me giving anyone else a child, even though I want more and he doesn't. So needless to say, I feel frustrated right now. He seems to be compersionistic only on the sexual release issue, which to me while pleasant is the smallest part of the issues here, but to him is primary. We both, by the way, had very little sexual experience either before or even during our marriage. (Our marital experience being mucked up by the meds I was on at the time, and issues relating to medication induced fertility issues), which I think is part of what is driving him. Right now, the main thing I care about is getting back to work and earning money, because my post birth experience has simply reconfirmed all of my real hang ups which all revolve around being dependent on anybody whatsoever.

SNeacail 09-16-2010 04:50 PM

All I have to say is that the first 2 years after baby are exhausting all on their own, throw in work and marriage issues and it can easily get to be too much. Take it slow and work on your relationship with your husband for a while. Enjoy the baby while you can, they grow up too fast. I would seriously consider re-negotiating the 90hr work weeks now that there is a baby.


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