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-   -   So aside from schedules, how does everyone balance relationships? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3727)

LovingRadiance 09-15-2010 04:21 AM

So aside from schedules, how does everyone balance relationships?
That question was posed in another thread-and I thought it was a valid question worthy of a more public answer than just in the (different topic) thread it was in.

To answer the question. I turn off my phone, as does he.

I live with Maca and GG. If I am sharing PERSONAL time with Maca, I shut off my cell. If his texts/calls are interruptive, I ask him to shut his off as well.

GG and I rarely shut ours off, but we also don't answer them unless they are the kids or Maca. The timing of our time together isn't prone to interruptions either, so we usually have no problem.

I think it's important to consider your "date time" as DATE TIME. If you were going out on a DATE for the first time-wouldn't you be focused on YOUR DATE and not your PHONE?

On the other hand, if we're just hanging out at home, or getting groceries, paying bills, running errands whatever, that's not a date and it's ok to "interrupt".


Tonberry 09-15-2010 04:57 AM

I don't have a phone, so I don't turn it off... My situation is different since I live with my husband but am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend.

We haven't been able to keep up with date night, as they are both so busy right now, but when we did we simply scheduled my dates with Sean on days Rag worked (he works 18 hour shifts, from 1pm to 7am the next day, 7 days per two-week period). Then I had all of my time and attention for Sean and turned off all other programs on the computer.
On my dates with Ian/Rag, I wouldn't log in during the date and therefore spent it with just Ian.

It's rather easy for me to separate them, really the problem is the other way around. Pretty much impossible to do things will all three of us together. For that reason I can't wait for Sean to come and visit us in December, so we can watch movies or play games or just talk with all three of us involved. Of course I would still have one on one time with both of them as well.

Morningglory629 09-15-2010 05:20 AM

As I said in that other thread...schedules are great in my book. I have asked for one date night a week (4 hours or so) and possible lunch or after work meeting once a week (maybe 2 hours if possible). Overnights have been maybe once every six weeks and scheduled around family obligations. I think it is important for the connection and communication of a couple to be mindful of being physically together at least once a week- and this doesn't just mean sex, I mean affection too. So that we are all meeting physical and emotional needs, schedules work best.

The text thing doesn't bother me unless it is constant- which it never really is. 2Rings and hubs can text when they need to no matter with whom I am keeping company. Our situation- kids, school, work etc, really make it unfair to put that kind of no-contact clause on either of them. 2Rings and I TRY to limit our texts to good morning and goodnight when he is with his family. Sometimes there are a handful exchanged on those days.

Balance is key. The hinge has the most pressure and needs to be most mindful in these areas for the relationships IMHO.

LovingRadiance 09-21-2010 03:52 AM


Originally Posted by Morningglory629 (Post 44482)
Balance is key. The hinge has the most pressure and needs to be most mindful in these areas for the relationships IMHO.

Somedays I feel like a walking calendar! Speech added etc!

It really is the job of the person in a relationship to care for it.
Thus if I'm out with someone and we need some personal time, it's my job to shut my phone off to reduce interruptions of that time.
That's true in any type of relationship really.

Morningglory629 09-21-2010 06:43 AM


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