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-   -   how do I talk about this with him (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3725)

xbemlffx 09-14-2010 08:15 PM

how do I talk about this with him
 
hey guys. I'm new here and was hoping to get some perspective on my situation. (i apologize if this scenario has been played out and beat to death but I'm having trouble navigating the site from my phone) my husband and I havr been togetjer for just over 5 years total (married for almost 3) and have never been in a poly relationship. It's something that I have always been interested in and I've broached the subject many times. We have talked about it frequently and he seems to be becoming more and more interested in the topic. The issue at hand is that in his head he seems to be wanting the ever popular unicorn....a triad with the hot bi girl that loves and wants us both equally. I am completely prepared for the possibility and probability that that will not happen. I don't believe my hubby is though. I don't want another man...at this point in my life it's not what I'm looking fior. So we are definitely on the same page as far as that but I think the trouble lies in the fact that I don't think he understands and is kind of hurt by the fact that I want another RELATIONSHIP not just sex......DH is completely ok with having a threeway but I'm not possitive that he's prepared for a relationship in which it doesn't involve both of us equally or at all for that matter. Please forgive me if I seem to e babbling I'm just not exactly aure what to say to get my point acrossed.

redpepper 09-14-2010 08:42 PM

do a search for unicorn in the tags... there is a lot to read there.

Ya, that is a worry. The whole sexy threesome with two girls may be over riding reality for him. Give it time. It all sinks in.

I would be really surprised if you find that the two of you have similar tastes in women for long term relationships. Usually partners pick similar ones to us and usually we aren't interested in people that are like us. But it does happen...

I hope he is reading here too and that you find time to discuss and educate yourself as much as possible. Not that you will have all your ducks in a row anyway when the first person comes along to be with one or both of you... but it does help.

xbemlffx 09-14-2010 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 44420)
do a search for unicorn in the tags... there is a lot to read there.

Ya, that is a worry. The whole sexy threesome with two girls may be over riding reality for him. Give it time. It all sinks in.

I would be really surprised if you find that the two of you have similar tastes in women for long term relationships. Usually partners pick similar ones to us and usually we aren't interested in people that are like us. But it does happen...

I hope he is reading here too and that you find time to discuss and educate yourself as much as possible. Not that you will have all your ducks in a row anyway when the first person comes along to be with one or both of you... but it does help.


yes I'm sure things will definitely be hectic the first time around. How did people here get past the akward stages of poly relationships? Especially those who were married first. An even bigger issue at hand is that we have been separated and recently reconciled (so recently that we are still not living togetjer) I know this isn't the right time and me and him have to get our lives straight before anyone eles come in. But I honestly do feel that our relationship is strong as it ever was and that once we get settled back in things will run smoothly. While we were separated though we both messed around...me more successfully than he . And I think that he may have a resentment that my 3way went well and hus didn't. I also know that he is hurt that it wasn't with him. I'm scarred that thia is the only reason he interested and that in the long run it will hurt us.

vodkafan 09-14-2010 11:32 PM

This is just from a man's point of view...I think you are right your husband isn't on the same page with you at all yet.... may sound crude but it sounds like he needs to go out and get himself laid to get his confidence back then he can feel on a more equal footing with you in the relationship. Before you embark on anything else.

Quath 09-15-2010 01:30 AM

I think you should get the idea straight with him about what you are looking for. And let him know that a triad is possible, but may or may not happen. He should read up on poly so he doesn't approach this as a great material for a letter to Penthouse.


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