help me PLEASE?!?!
My boyfriend wants a polyamorous relationship with another woman, and i don't. I don't like women, and am very selfish with my men. I also get jealous very easily. I'm so inlove with him, we've been together for quite sometime, and he is forcing this on me. He has tons of dating sites up, and he puts me on there, and answers to the messages as me. I don't know what to do, please help??
Run ... Don't Walk ... To the nearest EXIT.
Your guy has some serious problems.
I don't understand why you can't tell him to stop it and respect your wishes. If you've been together a long time, you should be able to say to him what you posted here. Why do you stay with someone so disrespectful and inconsiderate, and with whom you cannot communicate, anyway?
If he wants to be poly and have relationships with other women, that doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. You're straight, right? He can go fuck them on his own, if you're into being open. What he's been doing is just plain idiotic and sounds like he is clueless. It is so ridiculous that it almost has me wondering if this is a real post or not. If it is then... DTMFA!
But even without that, I'm extremely against posting as you on dating sites. That's cruel to you and dishonest to them.
Go on the dating sites and report his profiles as abuse. All the sites I know of have a built-in mechanism where you can report photos and profiles as fake. Use these to have the site remove the profiles. For any that don't have a built-in mechanism, send the "help / contact us" link a message with a link to the profile, and tell them that this is your boyfriend trying to set you up with other girls for a threesome, and that you do not consent to it and you'd like them removed.
Another option would be to go on the sites using his login and contact all the women he's been in touch with, and let them know what he's done to you. What the heck, give them his real name and cell number while you're at it. His facebook page too. Go for a full-on smear campaign.
Then dump his sorry ass. Normally I would say "try to work it out" but this behaviour is abusive, and I never recommend working it out with an abusive partner.
I would probably even consider a restraining order on the grounds of posting your photo and information on dating sites. It depends on your jurisdiction whether that will fly, but it will certainly send him the message that his behaviour is 100% unacceptable.
I am sorry you are going through this. :(
I know it is hard to feel, but you could consider taking a big breath, and then just move it forward towards healthy relationship for YOU. With or without him -- YOU be healthy.
This is what I hear -- let me know if I'm not in the ball park:
Just lay it out there. In this relationship...
In similar fashion you inquire about his stuff. In this relationship where is he at?
If you are just not compatible and want different things? Or he's not willing or able to renegotiate the terms of your relationship so you are treated well inside the relationship? Remember you can always choose YOU and walk away. You deserve good treatment, not disrespectful treatment. And loving him doesn't equal "stayingness" -- you can still love him NOT in the line of fire.
With or without him --- you could choose to be your healthiest YOU in the long term.
Could choose not to tolerate shenanigans that cause you mental/emotional health pain.
Remember to BREATHE. And hang in there -- whatever it is you choose for yourself next.
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