I joined this forum a few months back and introduced myself with a long, rambly post. I've been lurking and learning these past few months and thought it was time I started posting again.
Several months ago, I came out to my partner as interested in polyamory. (We are both female, btw.) Initially, she was shocked and upset. We were also at the time dealing with a very bad roommate situation and in the process of moving into our own place. So, we put the polyamory discussion on the shelf until we were settled into the new place and free of drama.
About a week ago, I initiated a discussion on poly again. This time, I let her know that I was not asking to change our relationship structure any time in the near future. I asked her to agree to learn, discuss, and read about polyamory with me for one year, and at the end of the year we would decide what we both felt would be most beneficial to the relationship. If she felt that she needed for us to remain mono at the end of the year, I could accept that, as long as she was willing to explore poly emotionally and philosophically for the year, as well as listen to all my inner thoughts without judgement.
This approach went much better, and now, instead of hurt she feels mostly excited and free, although still a little scared to take this journey with me. After just one discussion, we decided to move a boundary just a little, and she is free to kiss, flirt, and cuddle with others, where before even kissing was off limits. We decided to keep kissing off limits for me until she feels comfortable with moving that boundary. It really blew her away that I was willing to agree to start loosening her boundaries before she was ready to do the same for me. I think she now is starting to see this poly journey the same way I do - that it is not about being able to have sex with anyone and everyone, but about strengthening our relationship, working through jealousy, and being radically honest with each other about our wants, needs, and desires.
Reading everyone's posts on this forum has been immensely helpful. I actually got the idea of setting a year limit to talk about poly, plus how to word the discussion, from one of GalaGirl's posts. I look forward to continuing to read and learn from you all over this next year!
Thanks for that update, dfly67. It sounds like things have evolved to a really encouraging place. Glad you're still with us, and that your Polyamory.com experience has been a positive one so far. I believe things will continue to get better.
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