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-   -   New Poly, Fem. hinge for 2 hetero males - Valentine's Day help needed (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37033)

lilyankh 01-10-2013 06:15 PM

New Poly, Fem. hinge for 2 hetero males - Valentine's Day help needed
 
I'm a female in a vee relationship with two heterosexual men. Does anyone in the same situation have suggestions for me for Valentines Day? I want to be with both of them...I want to celebrate them and thank them for loving me and I want to do something romantic and special for them...but how do I make them both feel special on the same night???
I will have the same problem on my birthday...who gets me on my birthday?
On New Years Eve we went out together had an awesome night, slept together in a king bed...it was nice but no one had sex...there has to be a better way.
We might try a threesome...they are open to it...but I'm scared. What if it doesn't work and then the a romantic night turns to hurt feelings...
I just want them both to feel loved, appreciated, and get fucked. Isn't that what V'day is all about?

ThatGirlInGray 01-11-2013 01:01 AM

Well, no, Valentine's Day is about the companies that sell cards, sweets, and flowers gouging you for more money than they normally can the rest of the year. :P

Seriously, I think you can make any day be Valentine's Day. We don't NEED a calendar to tell us when to make our loved ones feel appreciated. You could go out with one on the 13th and one on the 15th, if you want to keep it close to the calendar day. Or the 15th and the 16th, if weekend nights work better than mid-week for dates. Maybe do a movie night on the 14th, or arrange a meetup with other friends who don't have Valentine's Day plans, if you feel you absolutely MUST do something that night.

You can do the same with your birthday, if you like, though imo if you want to see BOTH of them on YOUR birthday that's your choice. They can each make separate dates with you near your birthday if they (or you) want to also have a private celebration.

I wouldn't try a threesome for the first time on any sort of "occasion"- a first threesome is enough pressure without adding to it!

GalaGirl 01-11-2013 01:31 AM

You can't MAKE them feel anything. They will feel whatever it is they feel. So if you want to experiment, do.

Don't have to leap way over there into sex.

Could just sit between them on the couch and kiss/pet one and then the other and then back again. Stop there. Everyone digests that. Nobody is nekkid. Just taking it nice and easy. Next time try a bit more if everyone is good.

I think you could put less pressure on yourself to be Super Hinge, and just relax and enjoy your people and take it as it comes more. It will be ok.

GL!
Galagirl

JaneQSmythe 01-11-2013 05:22 AM

We don't "celebrate" any "Hallmark Holidays"...so no pressure anywhere (Valentine's Day has a special place on my "Ignore-O-Meter"). Just celebrate each day as it happens. If you have a "special day" that doesn't involve both of them, just celebrate that instead. (Someday I will remember to tell my husband "Happy Anniversary" while there is still time to celebrate it...in 16 years, I have remembered it 2-3 times, usually while I am at work...about 5 minutes before midnight)

JaneQ

PS. I'm a fan of threesomes (not all polys are, I know) but my best experiences have been a.) spontaneous or b.) plotted by others to make ME happy. (selfish? yes. satisfying? YES.)

NovemberRain 01-11-2013 06:03 AM

Last year, my vee was very new at Valentine's Day. I mailed them both cards (because that's what I do) ~ one lives a few hours away and the other lives next door. My men love each other very much, and would never consider being in a bed together. Unless maybe they were camping and were both at the bottom of two bottles of vodka and they happened to pass out next to each other. But probably not even then.

I was with both of them for Christmas Eve at CBF's mom's house. It was quite an event, for ME. No one else seemed to notice. :)

So, I agree with those above me. No need to be superhinge. Talk to both of them about what you would like. If you don't know, talk to them about what they might like.

lilyankh 01-12-2013 07:30 PM

Thanks guys...I'm going to post another question about a problem my husband is having...I'd love your input on that too...Thanks again. This is all so new and I want it to work so bad. There are so many kinks that need to be ironed out. I do have a bit of anxiety about being a "super hinge" I guess.

Stevenjaguar 01-13-2013 01:39 AM

I think you should go ahead and do the 3sum and get it out of the way. Then maybe the 3 of you can enjoy each other's company more.

Velvet 01-13-2013 03:04 AM

If I can jump in a little late, do you have any idea what your guys would like to do on special event days? It seems like you have a lot of drive to make them each feel special and I didn't see anywhere how you determine what they think they want to feel special, or if a particular day is more meaningful for one or both your guys. Just a thought. Good luck :)

lilyankh 01-15-2013 05:52 PM

Well...we had a threesome in the very beginning when it was all just lust and adventure...but now they are relationships and love...I think we will do a threesome again but I'm not sure when yet.

Thank you for your advice after talking to them I've decided to do nothing on the actual day. I am going out with one on Friday and the other on Sat as those are "their" days with me anyways. I haven't decided what to do yet. My husband and I usually just do dinner and sex...but this is my first V'day with my boyfriend. He is a romantic latino and I know he will do something from the heart...

I know V'day is a commercial money maker...but I don't care. I like it. The special day, the cards, and flowers and chocolates :)

RockerChick 01-15-2013 11:53 PM

NOT Gay! lol
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NovemberRain (Post 177209)
My men love each other very much, and would never consider being in a bed together. Unless maybe they were camping and were both at the bottom of two bottles of vodka and they happened to pass out next to each other. But probably not even then.

God this cracked me up! I have the same situation. I'm in a vee with two very hetero men. I'm beginning to think they're missing out, but hey, that's just my opinion. ;)


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