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-   -   The life and times of Andy4700... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3673)

Andy4700 09-07-2010 08:53 PM

The life and times of Andy4700...
Hello all.

I recently joined this board and am finding it helpful, and hopeing to stick around a while, so I might as well introduce myself a bit.

My name is Andy. I am 26 years old. I am married and have no children.
My wife and I have been married 3 years now. Together almost 7.

I am straight, but am open minded/un-offended by other orientations and situations. As long as it is not hurting anyone, I don't feel the need to judge. :)

My wife and I have always had a great relationship. Communicated well. Etc.

I have had the urge to explore other women for a while now. Not out of bordom or discontent with my wife, but more because, well, I can't quite describe it. Because I guess it feels so nice to meet someone new. Because I am a curious, open minded, and like to explore. Because other people in life sparkle too. Because life is short and I have never felt like careing about someone else means I have to care about my wife any less.

I dislike words like "best" "favorite" "more" "less" "better" etc. :/

We have talked about all this many times. She is not opposed to me finding someone, but isn't really interested in a triad or live-in type situation.

For me an added relationship would be mine to find and maintain, although she wants to meet anyone I become involved with, and hope she could become friends with her.

I was starting to give up on the idea my ideal situation could exist in reality until I found this board and read about the experiance of others here.
Sounds like it is hard to find a unicorn, but possible, and that some women enjoy the arrangement - something else I was beginning to seriously doubt.

I am also gaining insight into what I really want as I read more and more about Poly and take time to ponder and reflect.

I understand the swinging lifestyle to be more focused on sexual gratification then on intimate relationships as Poly is. This is something that I have come to realize makes the two clearly very different and only comparable in the sense that both take an open mind to sexuallity.

Looking back at my life I have had some close platonic relationships with women. I love women and enjoy their company. But I have never blurred the lines and let a close friendship turn physical. I think deep down this is what I crave. To take time to build the close emotional realtionship with someone, and blur that line and have fun with it, via mutual understanding. I am an honest person and am heavily against cheating, misleading and lying.... nothing is worse for a relationship.

I have never had a one night stand or anything of that nature and I really don't like the idea. The idea of sleeping with someone only once and then not even staying in touch feels awul in my heart...

I have really come to realize in the past few weeks how important the relationship and emotional part of this is compared to the sexual part.

I am quite friendly. I grew up quite lonesome. As sucky as that was, it has made me learn to never take for granted someone that wants to get to know you. It has all given me a little bit different outlook on life I think.

I figured I would post this in the blog section and possibly add to and expand on it in the even things progress past me wallowing in my fantasies and daydreams. :)

If anyone cares to respond to anything, feel free. :)

If anyone on here cares to chat, I would love to have some friends of the same mindset - orientation and situation isn't too important, but it would be cool to meet someone in a FMF V situation like I seek.


sage 09-11-2010 09:20 PM

Hi and welcome

You sound very much like my partner Z, although he had a SO when we met. It was an intimate but non-sexual relationship.

Two things to consider:-
1. Triads are tricky, very tricky, just been through one. Three weeks from go to wow and will not be repeating the experience.

2. While your wife might be "open" to your poly desires actually living through it all is a whole other deal. I was "open" as well but you don't know how it will affect someone until it happens. I would prepare her in advance by encouraging her to do some reading. This is a good place and there is also my blog (link below). If she doesn't show much interest (understandable), it would be wise for you to research on her behalf so you are prepared for things like jealousy which invariable comes up.

Good luck and again welcome


Andy4700 09-12-2010 01:20 AM

Hi Sage,

Thanks for replying.

I am kind of new to this, but isn't a triad where all 3 people have feelings/love for each other? I don't think that is going to happen here. best I can hope for is my wife and my secondary partner are friendly toward each other.

As far as turning fantasy into reality, we have talked about that quite a bit, and have decided all we can do is communicate openly in the event I can find someone interested in getting involved as a secondary, and react accordingly.

Andy4700 11-23-2012 09:30 PM

I started this topic over 2 years ago, stating I would "possibly add to and expand on it in the even things progress past me wallowing in my fantasies and daydreams."

Its nearing 2013 and honestly a lot of things have happened in my life.
I have been on some amazing dates, made new friends, lost friends, fallen in love and had my heart broke. I've grown a lot personally and learned a lot.

I don't know why I kinda faded away from here. Slogging through old posts, I really feel at home among you all.

As much as I almost detest OKC, it has brought me a lot when you put it all in a pile and look at it.

I am just going to rewind as far back as I can...

Spring 2011 I ended up getting too close for my own good with a friend. She's not a poly mindset, and attraction and tension over-road logic and I sort of got my toes slammed in a proverbial door when just as I saw a chance that we could try something for a while, she decided she wasn't interested. It was a little messy, but not the worst. We are still fairly good friends.

In the late summer of 2011 I met a married poly chick on OKC. We talked for a few weeks and on paper were a very good match. Same situation and wants from a relationship. She lived about 6 hours away from me, but we decided to meet halfway. We ended up spending 2 weekends together. But we didn't mutually click in person. She was hurt by that and I felt bad.

In late November of 2011 I went on a date with a single girl in Minneapolis. She wasn't experienced in Poly, but had a poly friend and was open to it. I didn't hear from her for like 2 weeks after the first date, and had figured nothing would pan out, but she did eventually contact me again and we went on a great second date, and ended up together for almost 6 months. The relationship was mixed. Shes am amazing lady, but has some serious issues with self worth and depression, and nothing I could do seemed to help. She was sort of a deep black hole sometimes and while I fell in love with her, she didn't feel the same way, and broke up with me in a crass fashion (text message!) in April of this year. The relationship was thrilling and frustrating. I only got to see her about twice a month due to the distance, but have some amazing memories from my time with her. I have tried to stay friends but found it difficult. I never got much closure from her, and while I have seen her twice post breakup, it hasn't been as easy as I wish it was.

Mid summer I went on two dates with another lady from Minneapolis. This one was poly and kink. Honestly liked her, even though she was not exactly my "type". She decided I was too vanilla for her tastes. She was nice about it and we still talk now and then as friends. I wish her all the best.

Bringing me to today. I have a close friend who I love to death and would like to date, but she's looking for a husband. If something pans out there it would be more of a short term thing. Not ideal for me, but I would do it just because I love her so much and we have a close and permanent bond. I have never met someone that can communicate with me like this girl can...

There have been some "platonical dates" too. People I met online, that were not interested in dating me, but interested in meeting me. I spent a Saturday afternoon in a dive bar in Minneapolis drinking craft beer with a pretty redhead.... we talked for almost 6 hours. One of the longest and most memorable first meetings I have ever had. I closed down a truckstop cafe in a broken down small town with another lady. This one poly, yet we never even talked much about dating. We are still close friends.

There is a glob of "dud" first dates, both romantic and platonic, where nothing panned out at all. Typical of anything I think.

Putting this all into words makes me realize how I still have not found the girl I dream of, but I am a hell of a lot closer than I was two years ago when I had never been on a date as a poly.

I will try and update more frequently.


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