the story continues
Apparently I accidentally got banned, and my blog thread was deleted because it is nowhere to be found. :eek:
but I'm back! yayness!
okay, so here are the updates:
- Five and I went to mediation and actually came to an agreement on almost everything. Where I am not being taken advantage of in any way. I know, incredible right? I think he figured out that he couldn't really pull anything in front of the mediator - he's not that skilled of a manipulator, he can only do it in the context of his own family dynamics, and then he hardly even realizes he's doing it.
- I realized I'm only attracted to people with whom I have a relationship with a high degree of dramatic tension. I also realized that this is just how I am, and there's nothing wrong with it. It also explains why I am mainly attracted to men, because I simply do not have high-drama relationships with women. Not the interesting kind of drama anyways. But this is why steady, stable monogamy is not for me. :D
- Four and his girlfriend have been going out of their way to invite me to do stuff with them. That makes me happy. :)
- Most of my romantic/sexual excitement has been coming from fictional characters. And I realized that, too, is okay. ^__^
1) I don't care as much anymore if people find out I'm poly. My brand of poly will be understood by most people as simply being single with FWBs, or something like that. It's not like I'm going to have multiple live-in partners, or even "official" partners at all, at least at this point in my life. And I think that's really the only thing that would be a risk to my child custody situation. Yeah, I've become a lot more self-confident in the past few months. Because of a lot of things.
2) I realized I do not understand my own sexuality at all, and that is okay. What did I expect? Since I've only ever really been physically intimate with one person. But I keep thinking I understand it, and then realizing, hey! I'm totally wrong. Or at least partially wrong.
3) I hate not being able to talk honestly (even jokingly) with an ex about our former relationship simply because he is currently in a mono relationship with someone else. I have absolutely no desire to mess with that mono relationship, no wish to get back into anything with him, we are just friends. But do I have to pretend we were never romantically attached to one another? I hate faking things. :mad:
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