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-   -   Definition Help - Triad versus V (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3615)

PollyPocket 08-31-2010 03:09 PM

Definition Help - Triad versus V
Hi there,
So our story is one where we met a friend of a friend at the pub, back in March. My hubby, me (the wife) and her, all hit it off famously.

She and I ended up hanging out together A LOT. One night at a dinner party, we were the last to leave and she came up to both of us, turned to me and kissed me, AMAZINGLY. We proceeded to have our first threesome. She was totally into me like crazy...hubby felt a little left out. It was really a mind blowing out of the box experience for me and it lasted several hours. At the end, she lay on top of me and told me she loved me. It was exhilirating.

We continued the relationship the next day and so on and so on. As the time marched on - 3 months now - she has fallen more and more in love with hubby, and he with her. As I have written on other threads, I have some jealously issues now that come from the depths that I am trying to figure out and control if possible.

The IDEA that this was a TRIAD was MUCH more appealing to me than a V, as I think it may be termed now. If my hubby is the hinge, it seems to be exerting a LOT of pressure on him.

Is it possible that it is still a TRIAD but with various levels of love involved? I like the 'equal' nature idea of that terminology and living.

What say you??

redpepper 08-31-2010 03:24 PM

does it really matter? triad and vee are just terms used to explain... nothing more. It is what it is and it will morph in and out of that over and over....

Ariakas 08-31-2010 03:30 PM


But I wonder (and this is sarcasm) would that make it a scalene? :)

SNeacail 08-31-2010 05:05 PM


Originally Posted by PollyPocket (Post 42476)
Is it possible that it is still a TRIAD but with various levels of love involved? I like the 'equal' nature idea of that terminology and living.

In general equality is a myth (in all aspects of life). There are no two of us exactly alike and it makes sense that we would love each person differently. I see love as fluid and it will change and evolve over time and experiences. When the intensity of NRE goes away it doesn't mean we love that person any less, but the way we experience that love changed and evolved.

sage 08-31-2010 09:10 PM

I agree with the fluidity of love. I think your hubby and girlfriend are going through a phase of NRE and I can only think about what I would do in a similar situation. Hold tight and work on my love for myself and my levels of connection with my husband I think. Very hard though, I think you are doing really well.

PollyPocket 08-31-2010 09:45 PM

Thanks Sage! It is so strange for someone other than my hubby to see my raw self...a self that I am not too proud of at times! Actually, embarassed of, as I fight to maintain control.

If anyone HAS any tips on LETTING go of the tight grip, please help. I know that I need to let go but it is sooo hard when you sort of 'feel' left out, even though they are doing everything to make you not feel that way.

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