Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   About group sex (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3580)

Tonberry 08-27-2010 01:02 PM

About group sex
 
Okay, so I've always known I was poly, but I never really thought about group sex. For me lovemaking was more of a one-on-one thing, group sex sounded like a "just for sex" kind of thing.

But when I started dating my boyfriend (long distance relationship), well it kind of changed. Long story short (and sorry if I'm giving too much detail) over the course of two months we had phone sex, cyber sex, I sent him videos of me alone, then with my husband, then we had phone/cyber sex in which I was having sex with my husband and talking/camming with my boyfriend at the same time.
Every one of these things felt like lovemaking and not "just sex".

I always thought that even with two partners, I'd only make love with one of them at a time. But I find that the idea of pleasing both of them at the same time is very arousing and satisfying. We have thought of spending vacations with the three of us and probably have sex together (keeping in mind it's a V, not a triad, so they wouldn't do anything sexual with each other).

I'm a bit curious about it all. I know group sex isn't that common and that most poly networks never do it, but I'm wondering if anyone here has had previous experiences similar to mine, that is with a V, not a triad, and if they could tell me about it? I'm just not sure how it would all work out, and if it would be awkward or what. I mean so far it's been fantastic, but it might be different when we're actually all in the same room/bed. Anyone has any pointers, things to keep in mind?

MonoVCPHG 08-27-2010 01:46 PM

Redpepper, Polynerdist (her husband) and I have had threesomes where she is the focus as I am straight. I found them to be bonding between me and PN and certainly took away the idea that having sex with his wife was wrong. I enjoyed them although I didn't feel a great deal of energy like I do one on one. It's like my connection was held back and I wasn't exchanging energy like we do when we are alone. They were fun and definitely positive experiences for me.

Group sex in general with other couples or people around me doing it is not something I gravitate towards. I don't like the sexual energy of people I am not intimate touching me nor do I want them to share in mine,. Oddly enough I can watch strangers have sex, like porn, and become aroused, but the idea of watching people I know have sex disturbs me. There are very few people I want to know in that way. Plus I don't like seeing friends naked....what can I say, I'm not very sex positive I guess :o

Magdlyn 08-27-2010 01:48 PM

I had a 3way with my girlfriend and one of my young male lovers. Since my boy is straight, and my gf has a penis, he told us ahead of time he wouldnt be "touching her junk," was that OK? Yeah, we agreed to that.

So, they were in proximity, their sides or legs touched from time to time. My gf and I are very tight, it didnt affect our relationship in any negative way at all. Just a fun thing we shared. I really loved pleasuring them both at once.

It ended up being very exciting and satisfying for us all. We didnt repeat it though, maybe it was just an experiment on the boy's side.

Ariakas 08-27-2010 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 41951)
I'm a bit curious about it all. I know group sex isn't that common and that most poly networks never do it,

I wonder how true this is. Most of the poly I have read about talk about group sex. Not always the same configurations but it happens.

I find here the constellations appear more separate. But as mono pointed out, group sex does still happen. Its hard not to let energies flow when the sexual energy is right ;)

I came into this because of group sex. I enjoy it with the right people and will probably keep enjoying it. But it isn't a requirement by any stretch. Not everyone would enjoy the energy put into a triad threesome or foursome. I have never had a foursome but I am always up for the challenge :)

redpepper 08-27-2010 03:45 PM

The community I am in has had sex parties where my friends got together and had group sex. Here is a link to a thread on it http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1995

I was completely overwhelmed by my feelings on it. I felt left out and astounded that they would want to do such a thing and that they wanted me to join them. Instead of love and acceptance I felt horror. I realize now that it was because of how I connect when I am sexual with someone. Also my past experiences catching up with me.

The thought of connecting with all of them on that level was overwhelming and unappealing. As well as just not possible. I would have to shut off myself in order to achieve the act of sex, as I had when I was a swinger for a short time. It isn't my idea of a good time unless its with people I want to connect to in that way. I relied on my community to be just that, community. It was akin to fucking the guy who bagged my groceries last night and I had a nice conversation with. Ya he was interesting and we bonded over the windy weather, but that was it... no other attraction other than a warm feeling of commonality.

I was afraid that my response to the event would mean losing friends and I was devastated as I had invested in friendships and the new community that I was growing to love as a whole. As it turned out there was a bit of backlash for some, a bit of sealed relationships that happened and a whole lot of moving on. I worked through my issues and got right back on the horse with my community before letting my lack of self esteem overwhelm me so much that I would lose the investment I had. To my joy people met me half way and accepted my craziness enough to patiently watch as I went through shit...

now it seems we are all good. If they were to have an event like that again I would wince because of my own thoughts, but at least would understand who I am within that and could move on much more easily.

Apparently though, to answer you question. It is actually very common in some communities to have group sex. There is a community that I know of that make it a monthly event! So.... you are not alone it seems.

Tonberry 08-27-2010 04:29 PM

Ah, I had seen it as part of a list of "myths" about poly people. I guess the myth was that all polys do it? Or maybe that it's the only type of sex when you're poly?
I can definitely see how there is more possibility for it in a poly relationship than a mono one, for obvious reasons...

I don't think I would want to have only sex with the three of us at once, or even mostly, or even half and half. I think it would probably be relatively rare but that it could bring us all closer, so I'm looking forward to it despite some apprehensions (as always when something is completely new and non-traditional).

I'm glad to see other people here have experienced it and enjoyed it :)

SourGirl 08-27-2010 05:06 PM

Many moons ago, My husband and I had a intimate, caring, relationship with 2other couples. Of course we didn`t consider it 'poly', at the time, but it was.

We were suppose to be 'swinging-with-good-friends-only', but this was a closed, 6 person circle. We did things outside of sex. We were good friends, and our kids all hung around each other. I was totally in love with the one girl, and she, in me.

We never had all 6 people on a bed, but we did do foursomes.

It was awesome. :)

ANYTHING with sex can have a loving side, or a casual side. It depends on the energy between the parties involved, not the actions.

GroundedSpirit 08-28-2010 03:25 PM

I can definitly cast a vote for the potential intimacy of group (small?) sex. 3way and 4 way sex are something we have enjoyed immensly for a long time. From her perspective, she feels very special when 2 or more people are focused solely on bringing her pleasure. From his (my) perspective it may be intensley intimate seeing how the two others are on the same wavelength about focusing on my pleasure.
There's a lot of unique intimacy that can be shared in this manner that literally can't be shared any other way.
ANd then, all lying in a pile cuddling after is a treat worth experiencing.

So for me (us), there's a time and place for private intimacy and a definite time/place for shared intimacy. They are both unique parts of a bonding process. But it's all about the people involved and how you go into it - and what you are truly open to.

GS

MonoVCPHG 08-28-2010 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 41971)
The community I am in has had sex parties where my friends got together and had group sex. .

It's important to note that only a small portion of the community was involved. It was a private party with an exclusive guess list. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but I just wanted to clarify that it wasn't a "community" thing, but a specific circle of friends thing :)

redpepper 08-28-2010 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 42150)
It's important to note that only a small portion of the community was involved. It was a private party with an exclusive guess list. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but I just wanted to clarify that it wasn't a "community" thing, but a specific circle of friends thing :)

very good point, thanks for clarifying.


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:00 AM.