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-   -   (almost) Happy Solstice from Philly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35468)

averycee 12-21-2012 04:20 AM

(almost) Happy Solstice from Philly
New here, I have recently come to accept polyamory as a likely possibility for the vast majority of my life.

At this point, I pretty much just want to make out with all the friends I actually like/respect. I want to be close to people when I'm with them without being required to think about them all the time when we're apart either. But I'm still not really attracted to anyone enough to pursue anything romantic or sexual. Some kind of polyamorous asexuality in it's own way. Sometimes labels do help clarify things, although I usually consider them more detrimental.

I'm ranting a bit.

I guess part of this polyamory-curiosity is because I've never quite understood how to emotionally attach myself to someone past that first level of romantics near the beginning. Sure, I've dated people for various amounts of time, but I never felt a close attachment.

I've since felt more empowered accepting that I'm not compatible romantically with people just yet. I don't think I've learned enough yet to truly appreciate an individual to such a high degree. Still learning about myself, I guess?

I'd love to dialogue with anyone with similar or different experiences.

AshleighSmiles 12-21-2012 05:09 AM

Welcome :)
I understand where you're coming from and commend you on being courageous enough to say it!

Happy Yuletide :D

kdt26417 12-22-2012 06:04 AM

Hi averycee,
Welcome to our forum.

Do you have quite a depth of emotional closeness with people? Perhaps the emotional component is what's missing; it's not strong or deep enough.

Are you happy with the way things are, or would you rather have more intimacy with other people? Part of your objective here should be determining what you want.

Do you feel you're mostly asexual, or just that something is holding your sexual and romantic feelings back? When you go on a date, how does it usually go?

I think you're just figuring things out right now. You'll get them figured out.

Kevin T.

averycee 12-23-2012 02:59 AM

In response to you, Kevin, I'm actually happier now with being "purposely single," I stopped needing to think about why nobody seemed to want to be with me.

I do recognize my attraction to various people which is why I don't consider myself completely asexual. Granted, sexual orientation constantly changes for a lot of people who open up to the idea.

I don't really go on dates, I find dates to be severely limiting when getting to know someone. I don't even really date. Usually how it goes is that there is a mutual attraction that is established at some point and things progress from that moment.

I may (and probably will) decide to be "with" someone for an extended period of time but I don't know if I'll ever want to limit myself to one person because I think we get different relations out of different people and therefore learn more about ourselves through the process.

kdt26417 12-23-2012 10:44 PM

That's a good point, we learn different things from different people. One of the advantages of polyamory.

I also take your point about dating, as dating can be something of an "artificial construct" where two people are kind of trying to impress each other. It is good to just let a friendship develop naturally.

I hope you find your time on our site to be enjoyable and helpful.

Kevin T.

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