I am Aphrodite and this seems like a nice place. :) Polyamorists seem to have a higher than normal intelligence, and I like that. :p I have identified as poly since I was about 29 or so, when I fell in love with one of my best friends, while I was married to my husband. It didn't really go anywhere though I pined over her a long time....I've written about it enough to not want to write about it anymore, though she and I are still very close friends, and while I consider her like a sister to me, I do not have romantic feelings for her anymore. We had variations of 3somes (my [now] ex-husband, her, and me) that were very poly because we both loved her, but her life was fairly drama and it just never worked out.
My ex and I had a weird mix of swinging/poly relationship. Basically, he was into alt relationships being all about the sex (though he emailed and had daily girl'friends'), and I was into the idea of having a triad...springboard....and was/am all about love.
Our last 3some did us in. I fell in love with our lover and he gave me an ultimatum that if I ever talked to him again, it was over. It just wasn't fair, and was more than I could fathom. I felt intense love and longing for this person. I felt something click inside me that night in bed and I knew I was done in my heart with him. I tried to reconcile on multiple occasions in the two years following my separation, mainly due to mothering guilt, but it never got past a phone conversation, or email. After the last time, I knew I had done my best to retrieve and revive my marriage, so I was finally able to lay it down and have closure with it in my heart and mind. I praise God for that because it was Him who led me to try one more time.
So, I am a 44 yo working mom. I am an INFJ (Ni,Fe/Te), lifepath 11, identify predominantly as female, newly born again Christian with problems with the Ascension :confused:, who gets turned on by discipline and control. I am usually domineering, especially with females, and oftentimes males. I am into gender-fluidity in others. It is hard for me to find a male(or female) I can submit to, though that is my preferred state.
I never got to explore that side of myself in my marriage because my ISTP ex was really just about getting laid regularly and often--he wasn't into poly or interested in discussing things of a philosophical nature, though we did have a nice marriage.
I am into serving the Lord and am not looking for hookups or anything like that. I am looking to have friends I can chat with/text with/email with when I have down time.
Thanks for reading~
Welcome to our forum.
Your story makes me sad. It sounds like your (ex-)husband's jealousy kicked in, and he gave an ultimatum? I'm glad you gave the marriage one last try.
Re: problems with the Ascension ... I'm curious about that. Would you be willing to elaborate?
Any chance you will re-contact that other lover who was the target of your (ex-)husband's ultimatum? It sounds like you had some pretty intense feelings for him.
You should be able to find many friends here, and people who relate to your situation. Let the Lord be your guide in finding which threads to follow and respond to.
I hope things will work out for you.
Your stories both made me sad (as I've recently fallen rather hard into ... hell if I know) with my best friend while married to my husband, and I'd like to think it could be something that went well. Also, your break-up story makes my heart hurt.
As to the Ascension, I too am curious. I have some issues with the Assumption (Mary's Ascension into Heaven) but I'm curious as to your thoughts.
I am in a very good place right now. I have come to know and love God this past couple of years (since my separation/divorce) and I wouldn't trade that for the world. And I've also learned how to financially take care of myself--that I can. And that I like being independent. :)
I have had to concede that I really am not a Christian in the full sense that most people mean it. I am still not sure what my religion is, but I just cannot believe that Jesus was a deity. But I do love Jesus and what he said and what he stood for, and the love he expressed for Abba, the Father.
I miswrote that before...Instead of ascension, I meant resurrection, which is what I mainly had a hard time believing. So, I am looking at a few religions now that might fit me. In the meantime, I'm still calling myself a Christian, but I haven't really figured out the lingo other than that. :)
It sounds like you're on a positive journey, and will come out just fine. I see what you mean about Jesus and the resurrection, and I am pretty much on the same page as you. I believe Jesus was a wise, wonderful man, just not a deity.
Hope you'll enjoy your time amongst us.
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