Greetings from Tassie - moving from swinging to polyamory
I've been lurking around for a few months now, but have decided to finally post an intro.
I am currently in a live-in committed relationship with a bi-sexual man, D. I am a straight female. We have been together for about 14 years. During that time we played around a bit with swinging in clubs and with the occasional friend. This year, after a bit of a break, we decided to find some casual male swinging partners. That went well for a good six months and then one day someone walked into our lives and changed it forever.
We both felt an immediate attraction to him, I'll call him S. After spending an evening in his company, I had it bad. It was also pretty obvious to my partner that S was different for me than our other casual partners. To me, S felt like a friend that I had always known, someone that in a different time and a different place I could really go for. He has lots of similarities to my partner and it was like having two of them to love me.
Since that first time nearly three months ago, we have had only 4 visits with him (difficult to find mutually suitable times), and 3 of those have involved MFM sex. I have also had a lot of Facebook contact with S. I have lost interest in meeting other swingers. I have basically lost interest in swinging and I have started looking into polyamorous relationships because I found the sex with two guys that I have an emotional connection with was mind-blowing! I would never have thought it possible until it happened.
Luckily D is a wonderful man, and though he struggled with how I felt about S for awhile, we had several massive chats about it and he is ok with it now. He felt insecure and worried that I might want to leave him for S. I don't, we have put a lot of time and work into making our relationship what it is now and I'm not going to throw that away on a guy who is only recently separated from wife number 2, and has two young children. My own children are older teenagers on the verge of leaving home and I honestly couldn't see myself taking on any sort of responsibilities for young children again.
S has said that he is interested in us as a couple and D and I agree that we should keep sexual encounters with him as threesomes which we all enjoy anyway.
So basically I'm here trying to see if I can have my cake and eat it too. After reading lots of information, I guess the sort of thing I am interested in would be keeping D as my primary and also having S as a secondary. From my reading I would probably consider it to be a V situation with me as the hinge although it may touch on being triad. (All these news terms I'm trying to come to grips with) Although I wouldn't discount having S live with us some time in the future, I think it would work better if we had separate homes for now. D is happy with this, however …
I have yet to broach the subject with S and this is where I'm at now. I don't know how to. I'm probably also a little scared that he won't be at all interested, so instead of possibly scaring him off, maybe I should just keep quiet, and make the most of what I have for now. Later on, after he has moved on, I can have some wonderful memories and fantasies of what could have been.
So that's me and where I'm at. Living in the present at the moment (as a friend is always saying to do) and wondering how to manipulate the future :)
Thanks for the welcome. I have actually put this intro up twice sorry. I didn't realise there was a delay until they were posted, now I can't work out how to delete the other one if its even possible :)
I have found my men, but one of them doesn't know it yet so I don't know if it really counts :) He is off to the other side of the country today for Christmas with his family so I reckon things will just continue as they have for now.
Hi Taggie, glad you're still with us. :)
Re: S ... I would try to find a way to bring things up with him, even if it's just in small bits. What are his feelings for you, what does he see as his ideal relationship with you. Perhaps some negotiating will be involved. You may take the chance of getting some heartache, but you'll also gain some clarity with the situation, and a better idea of where to go from here.
I hope this helps a little.
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