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-   -   Attending events where people with current conflicts will be also (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35144)

LovingRadiance 12-17-2012 07:36 AM

Attending events where people with current conflicts will be also
I created a poly group in our town. Its going well. I created it in order to allow for us to socialize with other polys without infringing on the existing group, because the lady Maca considered dating-and it blew up into a dramatic nightmare-is part of the original group.

I created an event, advertised as being created by me (full real name) and hosted by me. She was the FIRST RSVP.

MY first thought-WHAT THE FUCK is wring with her?
It has been a year, she continues to contact Mark with hateful animosity about me. I havent had shit to do with her and aside from texts, neither has he since summer. They kissed a cpl times-but the relationship never went anywhere due to her unwillingness to talk to me after boundaries were broken.

I have since moved the venue out of my home. But-I frankly-don't want to attend. I don't want anything to do with someone who is continuing to harass me passive aggressively through Mark AND talking shit about me to others.

I see her RSVP to an event I am creating (20-30 ppl in a private home) tacky at best and stalking when considering it is the 3rd event in two months she's done this.

I'm offended. Seriously has crossed my mind to send her a legal warning regarding me filing charges for stalking and harassment if she doesnt desist.


Emm 12-17-2012 08:56 AM


Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 172435)
I'm offended. Seriously has crossed my mind to send her a legal warning regarding me filing charges for stalking and harassment if she doesnt desist.

Before you go the legal route, have you told her to stop contacting you? I don't mean "I'd prefer to go our separate ways" or "I'd rather you didn't call", but a flat-out "Go away. You were not invited. Do not contact me."

nycindie 12-17-2012 11:53 AM

Instead of advertising to the general public, you should probably make it invitation-only. Collect email addresses of the people who've been attending and let them know notifications will be sent via email. Any new members get invited by current members and approved by you or a committee before being allowed to attend.

I wouldn't take legal action at this point. I would just reply to her RSVP with an unemotional message saying she cannot come. "There are no seats available at the event. Your RSVP has been denied/cancelled" or some shit like that.

LovingRadiance 12-17-2012 10:17 PM

Nyc-you never fail to send me into giggles. I love your point blank responses.

I have gotten the event arranged now so that I am not needed.
The three of us will make an appearance at the start. Then we are coming home to enjoy a peaceful time with other friends.
I won't be making future invitations to the group as a whole. She is part of the ( less than 50 members) poly meetup in Alaska. So, my invites won't be to the group as a whole.

GalaGirl 12-18-2012 04:58 AM

Sounds like you found a way to deal with it then.

As well as for future events -- making sure they are invite only and not "open to general public."


LovingRadiance 12-19-2012 02:52 AM

It truly never occurred to me that she would want to come to an event I am hosting-when she remains hateful towards me and is continuing to talk shit about me.
I saw her rsvp and my brain went in teverse because it makes NO sense to me.

I can't imagine planning to go to an event being held by someone I disliked so vehemently unless it was an event in honor of a child I was very close to.

Anyway-lesson learned. Yes, given the opportunity she will plan to attend events I host even though she actively continues badmouthing me.
(so bizarre)

Hannahfluke 12-19-2012 04:47 AM

Maybe she doesn't necessarily view it as an event you are hosting but viewed it as a way to see where Maca lives and a chance to be able to interact in person with him again. That's where my mind went first when reading that she'd rsvped, to wondering if she had because she wanted to see "Maca's house". And since she hasn't seen him for a while, maybe a chance to see him. And, since she's vindictive too, it sounds like, maybe a way to find more reasons to bitch about you to other people, along the lines of "did you see the color she painted her living room? Does she not have any taste?" Who knows, mean people do weird things like that all the time (I'm watching a Japanese animation with my boyfriend that has mean high school girls in it that did something similar to one of the main characters, that's why I thought of it : )

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