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-   -   hanging out with the boyfriend and his wife (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3465)

AliS 08-14-2010 06:33 AM

hanging out with the boyfriend and his wife
 
ok... I am so full of questions since I am new..

Am I right in assuming here that being the girlfriend of the married man, it is totally normal to hangout with the boyfriend AND his wife?? What I mean is... Its normal to go to their place and hang out and totally normal if I stayed the night??

lay it on me....

MonoVCPHG 08-14-2010 06:36 AM

It can become totally normal actually :) I just spent the entire day with my girlfriend, her husband, her parents, and her ex wife...and now I am spending the night and will get up with their son. And it feels very natural to me :)

jkelly 08-14-2010 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliS (Post 39968)
Am I right in assuming here that being the girlfriend of the married man, it is totally normal to hangout with the boyfriend AND his wife?? What I mean is... Its normal to go to their place and hang out and totally normal if I stayed the night??

Yep. That not being normal is a warning sign. If they think it's normal, you're probably good.

AliS 08-14-2010 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkelly (Post 39972)
Yep. That not being normal is a warning sign. If they think it's normal, you're probably good.

they think its normal.

you guys are helping me here alot.. thanks mwahhhh

FormerUnicorn 08-15-2010 07:29 AM

Yep, completely and totally normal. And great! And fun! Right? :D

LovingRadiance 08-15-2010 10:04 PM

MUCH better than if you can't do that!
My husband, boyfriend and I hang out together with the kids, our families etc. :)

LoveWarrior 08-17-2010 05:23 AM

It's been a while due to scheduling and distance but my GF and her BF and I hang out and it is a lovely time. In fact, my second date with her was dinner and convo with the three of us and we've shared several more times of just being together sharing movies, music and personal narratives. Along with the sometimes awkward negotiations around sleeping arrangements (LOL).

I have found that sharing space and events is a wonderful way of helping to keep the other love from becoming some kind of monster onto whom we can project some of the almost inevitable feelings of jealousy, doubt, or whatever upon.

And the beauty is that BF and I have a genuine liking and respect for each other. That just adds to the beauty and depth of the connection.

GroundedSpirit 08-17-2010 02:17 PM

More than..
 
Absolutely more than normal - it's desirable.
Not everyone exploring these waters has that luxury (for a variety of complex reasons), so be thankful and flow with it.
Just also be aware that there may come times where you find your presence either impractical or complicated. If/when this happens DO NOT take it personally, be hurt or offended ! It's not easy in this society for a triad to function they way they would wish in all social/professional circles. We all wish it could be otherwise - but it is what it is. And it takes time to work in that direction so be patient and not thin skinned.

Good luck - sounds like you have some real potential there !

GS

TruckerPete 08-17-2010 03:43 PM

How wonderful to have found a couple that is already so comfy with their poly!!

Congratulations! :)

janeb1958 08-18-2010 10:32 PM

I do the same thing -- "my" weekends are Tuesdays & Wednesdays -- I drive up to their home when I get off work on Tues am (about 7:30am) -- I have a key to the home & code to the alarm system! When I'm here, he stays with me in the guest room! He refers to me as a "partner", not a girl friend. He dates a couple of other women but just here & there. His wife has a lover she's had for over 40 yrs.! She & I get a long great! Like someone said -- this is not only normal but desired! It's great when folks get along! When the 3 of us decide to watch a movie, she & I sit in the recliners & he sits on the floor so he can touch both of us! We've also gone on dates -- the 3 of us! He sits in the middle so he can hold our hands or arms around shoulder! It's great -- he makes both of us feel special!


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