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-   -   Curious and considering (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34516)

MikeinYork 12-07-2012 02:52 AM

Curious and considering
 
Im from PA. My wife and I just started discussing the topic of another partner. I am totally open to it and have had an affair. She is open to talking about it but is not willing at this point to experience it. Would love to hear from anyone in my situation.

Love2Bake 12-07-2012 03:02 AM

My Two Cents
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeinYork (Post 170942)
Im from PA. My wife and I just started discussing the topic of another partner. I am totally open to it and have had an affair. She is open to talking about it but is not willing at this point to experience it. Would love to hear from anyone in my situation.

I'd get your self and your wife into therapy so you can strengthen the marriage. Adding more people into the mix will not solve your marital problems, it would only enhance them. Therapy first. Fun later.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear. Maybe someone else will say something that will leave you smiling.....:p

Fae 12-07-2012 03:08 AM

I definitely agree with Love2Bake. It sounds to me like your wife is, at this point in time, just saying what she thinks she needs to say in order to appease you.

Poly relationships require a lot of trust and communication, and directly after an affair you're going to be low on that trust. Until you can prove to your wife (and yourself) that your current relationship is stable, you definitely shouldn't destabilize it further by introducing a polyamorous lifestyle.

kdt26417 12-07-2012 03:22 AM

Hi MikeinYork,
Welcome to our forum.

I'm sorry you're in a somewhat frustrating situation, I know you'd like to forge ahead, while your wife is holding behind. I think that might change in time, but you'll need some patience. As the others mentioned, you'll need to build up some trust and strengthen your primary relationship, as usually an affair will weaken that trust.

Take your time and have a look around at the various threads here. There is a lot you can post, read, and learn; think of it as an opportunity.

I hope you'll enjoy your time here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

MikeinYork 12-07-2012 03:48 AM

Thanks all

Love2Bake 12-08-2012 03:36 AM

Mike. I want to remind you that relationships can strengthen after an affair. Your wife will be angry for a long time, you can expect that. But before she can move forward you MUST let her express all of that anger and confusion. You also need to acknowledge that you've shattered her dreams and feelings of security. There are many books on surviving after an affair. I'd definitely recommend putting your marriage on project status and REALLY focusing on improving it. Adding another woman (who will come with her own luggage, just a different shape and color, lol) will not solve your issues. But that is not to say that polygamy is forever out of the question. It's just out of the question, for now.

Best Wishes, Mike! Please update us.


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