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-   -   Bi = Poly? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34480)

Josie 12-06-2012 04:29 AM

Bi = Poly?
I've been reading posts on here for coming up to a year now and there's something that keeps confusing me.

So many people's posts include some sort of I'm bi so it only makes sense that I'm poly, or a partner explains that they only just found out that their partner is poly but they shoud've expected it because their partner is bi.

I don't get this.

In my experience, being bisexual doesn't make you more likely to be poly.

I've seen loads of posts where people explain their situation as 'I'm in a f/m relationship but I'm bisexual so I need a woman in my life as well.'

I guess I don't really understand. I'm bisexual myself but that didn't make my transitioning from a mono to a poly lifestyle any easier.

nycindie 12-06-2012 04:37 AM

You may find this thread interesting:

Gay, Bi-, Queer Polyamory

RfromRMC 12-06-2012 03:49 PM


Originally Posted by Josie (Post 170779)
In my experience, being bisexual doesn't make you more likely to be poly.

It's over-generalizing, for sure.
I've often said, instead, that when bisexuals learn what polyamory is and that it's an option, they're more likely to understand the advantages of it and how it can be logically a good thing. I think they tend to have a more open mind, possibly as a result of "bucking" the establishment that says you have to pick side of gay vs straight.
It's that unique life experience of bisexuality (or pansexuality) that makes Polyamory "no big deal" for them to accept.

That's just how I see it though.


Tonberry 12-07-2012 07:34 AM

I seem to recall from some statistics than compared to the general population, there are more poly people among bisexuals, and more bisexual people among polys.

But I agree that you can be bisexual and monogamous, although it seems that to a lot of people, it makes sense to be both so that you can have "one of each" (which I find to be a weird concept in itself, but it seems some people do have a "female" slot and a "male" slot for partners and want them both filled or something.)

LovingRadiance 12-07-2012 08:01 AM

I have bi friends who are mono. People generalize. :p

aLABiMCpl 12-07-2012 08:31 AM


Being Bi certainly helps, but it does not make one Poly.
Plenty of Bi men & women still choose to cheat on their spouse and have no desire for the 2 worlds to meet.


Helo 12-07-2012 08:44 AM

From my own experience, people who are bisexual tend to have gone through a period of introspection and self-examination to arrive at the conclusion that they are bisexual. Along the way, they find things like polyamory. Additionally, being bisexual also means you are more likely to come into contact with the idea of polyamory.

I'm personally not bi. I don't have the "ick" response that the vast majority of heterosexual men I've dealt with have when talking about sex or intimacy with other men or attractiveness, I just simply don't find other men attractive.

ThatGirlInGray 12-07-2012 05:43 PM


Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 170998)
it seems some people do have a "female" slot and a "male" slot for partners and want them both filled or something.)

*snicker* <3! :p :D

Seriously, though, I feel the assumption of bi=poly is just as damaging as the assumption of gay=promiscuous. Sexuality and relationship choices can definitely overlap, but one does not define the other.

Daysleeper 12-08-2012 11:37 AM

There is a ton of stereotyping about bi people: we're promiscuous, unconventional, willing to experiment, hyper sexual, our dream is to engage in group sex, we constantly crave specific sexual acts that can only be accomplished with males and specific acts that can only be accomplished with females. All of these stereotypes are things people equate with being compatible with polyamory.

nycindie 12-08-2012 12:49 PM


Originally Posted by Josie (Post 170779)
. . . being bisexual doesn't make you more likely to be poly.

And being poly doesn't automatically mean that someone is bisexual. More than once, I've seen people react with surprise and confusion when I tell them I practice polyamory BUT I'M STRAIGHT. Being a woman who practices poly, most guys who have that fetish about getting off with two women think it would be perfectly fine and reasonable for me to be bi, yet they think I'm just a dirty slut because I want more than one penis in my life. Because, you know, one dick should be enough and poly is all about the sex. :rolleyes:

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