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-   -   Finding my way through this (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34471)

wildlilith 12-05-2012 09:50 PM

Finding my way through this
So hi there everyone!
I came to this forum for some advice.
So I am reasonably new to the practise of being poly. In the past I have practised in many mono relationships and never found them fulfilling.I always found myself falling for other people.I had been single a long time as I enjoyed meeting new people,and my last relationship resulted in us having a child,then we seperated. I am now single again and have had the best time of my life meeting new people and having some great sexual experiences.Then there was AC.I met him recently through online dating and we have so much in common.It turns out we know a lot of the same people.I have spent the past two weekends with him and he completely blew me away and is not like anyone Ive ever met.He has already practised poly relationships and really likes going to meet new people.I want to engage in this too,but I am also unsure about if i can handle the jealousy as I know how he is with me suddenly becomes less special when he is like this with other people.He lives in a different city from me also,which can be seen as a bonus and a hinderence.I really want to carry on seeing this guy,and I also would really like to engage in sex with other potential partners that may come along.But I also feel like that my interest in that has wained since I met this guy as there is no one else quite like him.I want to give my all to this guy and still feel like I can with others that I could meet,but not feel emotionally drained too? I dunno,well if anyone has any advice for me that would be great.I dont want my own self esteem issues or jealousy to get in the way of this,and I dont want to lose this fantastic person from my life,as I love the time I spend with him....Also I am a single parent,so that is a big factor too.

Look forward to hearing from you lovely folk.


DsmEvolution 12-05-2012 10:32 PM

I'm relatively new to this, but I think there are some general ideas that can be created when you look at the situation from the outside.

Jealousy can be something tough to deal with. I have never really fully gotten rid of my jealousy. I feel the tell tale pang when my partner goes to spend a night with a friend and i'm home alone. And I also imagine the he feels the same thing when I go spend some time with another guy.

The key to me (And anyone else, please feel free to jump in here) is that I have to logically take a step back when I feel the pangs of jealousy come in and look at the situation with a dispassionate view point.

Do I love my partner as deeply now as I did 12 years ago? Yes. Does he feel the same way way for me? Yes. Does my feelings for other men take away from that? No. Does my sleeping with other men take away from that? No.

I have a thread on this forum just posted today talking about the fact that I am seeing another man on the side. This is new territory for me, but I am excited about it.

So think of it this way. If you and the new guy do have something that starts and he wants to pursue that, remember that it doesn't take away what you two feel for each other.

I think of it this way. I get to go to bed and think about how I feel for Josh AND Mike and know that i've got two great guys that make me happy :)

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