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-   -   This is a lot of work. (TP's story, when she feels like updating) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3447)

TruckerPete 08-13-2010 05:48 AM

This is a lot of work. (TP's story, when she feels like updating)
 
Well duh.

Indigo and I just had another chat. It was good and productive, like all of our chats have been since we've started down the rabbit hole. But I'm tired of talking and crying and talking and crying right now, despite the good results.

Alright. I lie. I'm just plain tired. I'm actually truly glad we're doing this; we're learning a great deal about ourselves, each other, and we're strengthening our relationship. I have every expectation that this is one of those long term payouts. I'm not a patient person, and I have the sinking feeling that I am actually learning patience! :rolleyes:

Was life easier when I had only friends with benefits? Oh hell yeah. But it was also shallower, a testing the waters before we took "the plunge" sort of thing.

And aside from the benefits to our relationship, I've already experienced a one-more-shoulder-to-cry-on moment.

Long background story short: Mother, with whom I already have a strained relationship, called Sunday to tell me that she will not be attending our wedding in February. Our wedding that she has known about for over a year. Why? It's going to interfere too much with her schooling. Aside from the obvious hurt this has caused, it also served to validate multitudes of incidents from childhood where I was placated or told that I was just imagining (what I have since accepted to be) her emotional abuse. Despite years of therapy, I was still holding a scrap of hope inside that my childhood was one big misunderstanding. That dam broke this week.

So Indigo has held me while I wept. And has been his usual comforting self. He also let Mother know how he feels about her ... which was a long time coming. He's never said a bad thing to her. This was all anticipated comfort, and much appreciated.

Unanticipated comfort: I dragged my ass from bed to see Mr. A out of a sense of obligation. I found a concerned, loving boyfriend. We had a beer. He listened to me rant. He encouraged me, when I felt I was talking about myself too much. Added benefit, he is so far removed from the situation that my irrational mind can't dismiss him saying, "You're right to feel this way" and allow me to ninja myself into another spiral of hurty angriness.

Unexpected benefits: Upon returning from Mr. A's, I felt ... better! And who else benefitted from this? Indigo! On normal occassions when I feel like garbage, I tend to take the route of sleeping it off. But instead, Indigo got an hour or two of Happy Natasha (not to mention much needed lovings of his own) before I went to bed for the night.

So, when we started this, I had no illusions that I'd just go out and find a few BFs and GFs, Indigo would find a few GFs, we'd get a unicorn, and then we'd all live together, (happily ever after, of course!), in a free-loving tribe. But I also didn't really know what to expect.

After just a mere month, I have so much MORE respect for the happy people on here. You've clearly earned it!


Into the rabbit hole; I can't wait to see where it goes. This shit's a lot of work! :D

TruckerPete 08-13-2010 06:11 AM

Dear self,

Go to bed. You're not accomplishing anything right now, as you're too tired to be struck by wonderful insight whilst nosing around on the forum.


Much love,

You.

FormerUnicorn 08-13-2010 06:17 AM

Dear TruckerPete

I think you're adorable. But go to bed, cause you'll enjoy the forums better in the morning when there's more to read.

Love,

FormerUnicorn

TruckerPete 08-13-2010 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FormerUnicorn (Post 39745)
Dear TruckerPete

I think you're adorable. But go to bed, cause you'll enjoy the forums better in the morning when there's more to read.

Love,

FormerUnicorn

Heehee! Thanks FU*, I did take my own advice!




*Needed to make this reference once myself. Scratched that itch. Thank you!

TruckerPete 08-17-2010 03:32 PM

A great night
 
Mr. A came over for dinner last night with Indigo and I. It was the first time they'd had any extended interaction together.

It went really well. We watched some TV and laughed at the funny bits. (All of us have a similar sense of humour.) We watched Jeopardy, and sometimes they laughed at me. I have very narrow pop culture knowledge, and apparently some answers were obvious, because they both said them right away. :p It feels good to be the butt of a joke they share.

Later, Indigo had plans, so Mr. A and I had some alone time. Indigo and I had alone time before Mr. A arrived, in the form of a snuggly nap! So it was a real win of an evening for me. :)

Everyone agreed that it wasn't awkward and they had a good time.

I think we need to figure out which restaurants in town have round tables. :D

MonoVCPHG 08-17-2010 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 40609)
I think we need to figure out which restaurants in town have round tables. :D

What about triangle tables? Now that is something I don't remember seeing. Glad things are going well my friend, thanks for sharing :D

TruckerPete 08-17-2010 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 40636)
What about triangle tables? Now that is something I don't remember seeing. Glad things are going well my friend, thanks for sharing :D

Well, once he finds a GF, seating arrangments will get much easier! ;)

TruckerPete 08-19-2010 02:47 PM

Coming Out (again)
 
I came out to a good friend this morning, whom we'll call S. She's a very open-minded person, and mono. She used to be a coworker, but got a better job. She also lives with a current coworker of mine, whom we'll call W. I'd say he's her boyfriend, but they're so much more connected than that might imply. Everyone who knows them KNOWS they will be together for the rest of their lives.

The following conversation happened after I actually told her:
TP says:
I assume anything you know, W knows, so no big deal.
S says:
If it were something you did not want anyone to know, I would not tell W. He does think you have an open relationship though. And honestly, I don't know why either of us thought/knew that.
TP says:
Haha. That's kind of funny! :P
S says:
I think just based on comments you guys have thrown around.

So I am very happy. They are both wonderful people, and if there is ever any question of the commitment Indigo and I have to each other, they would certainly defend us.

Much relief. I'm glad it's just sort of assumed by my friends. Even if it's the wrong label, it's "close enough" for me at this point. (Though I did explain the difference to S. :D )

MonoVCPHG 08-19-2010 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TruckerPete (Post 40900)
Even if it's the wrong label, it's "close enough" for me at this point. )

It might be the wrong label but it is one that the greater part of society recognizes with at least some undestanding. When I came out to my parents I used "open relationship" and it went way smoother than when I told a close personal friend that I was in a "polyamorous" relationship...what a mistake that was. I ended up having to repeatedly defend the non-promiscuous nature of PN and RP more than actually telling her about my relationship. I wrote a thread called "knowing your audience" that dealt specifically with speaking to people using thier language instead of trying to teach them a completely different one. I'm not an activist or promoter of poly so I have no issue with taking the easy way out LOL ;)

Great news to hear she is so supportive of you :)

Here's the thread in case anyone is interested http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2853

TruckerPete 08-20-2010 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 40901)
Great news to hear she is so supportive of you :)

Here's the thread in case anyone is interested http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2853

She didn't understand personally how it was possible to love more than one, but she recognized that it is the case for me, and said that she was happy for us as as long as we were happy. Which we are!

I loved your story! Sent it to Mr. A, who has asked that I send anything interesting in his direction. Not hinting to him, but it gives a good perspective on how the "other man" can come out to his family, should that be something he decides to do.

Because I'm lazy and don't want to do the math, how long after dating RP did you come out to your family?


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