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-   -   Polyamory for Dumbies (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34317)

blacknwhitelady 12-05-2012 01:00 AM

Polyamory for Dumbies
My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. From the very beginning we knew is wasn't just going to just the two of us, but neither of us had found a special some one. About a month ago I went out on a date that was supposed to be a one night thing that's kind of turned into a relationship.

Midway through the second date I knew i needed to tell this guy that I was married and Polyamorous. He took it wonderfully and said he was ok with it and that it meant more to him that i was concerned for his feelings than the fact I was married. So all that part is good.

Main thing is I'm struggling with having the gittiness of a new relationship and not making my husband jealous in anyway. I know jealousy is human nature and my husband has never expressed jealous for my new guy but in the back of my head sometime i feel like I'm doing something wrong against my husband when I'm with my boyfriend. Not because I think polyamory is wrong, i just think its another human nature element because I've never had a relationship with anyone while I was married.

We want an open, honest polyamorous relationship where we can all talk and hang out and I think we are capable of that. And there really is no problem at the moment. I'd just like some advice on how to deal with my own internal struggles and if what I'm feeling is normal when first starting out in a secondary relationship.

blacknwhitelady 12-13-2012 01:59 AM

Thanks MeKeAloha! It makes me feel better knowing other people get caught up in new relationships as well. Sometimes i feel stupid for being 25 and a gitty school girl over my new boyfriend when im married. I wouldn't say i feel guilty, its more that my brain is just like "hey stupid youre married remember" lol i dont really know how to explain it. I wouldn't call it guilt but maybe constantly having to remind myself there is a third person in the picture.

Thanks for all of the advice!

GalaGirl 12-14-2012 07:56 PM

Could this help?


Sometimes i feel stupid for being 25 and a gitty school girl over my new boyfriend when im married.
It's brain hormone cascade. NRE is a lovely brain cocktail of "wheee!" Enjoy it for what it is, but don't neglect your spouse. And know in time, both you and BF brains will lose the "whee!" ness and enter a new stage in the relationship development. NRE can last 6 - 24 mos. It depends.

BREATHE. You will be ok. Keep being honest and up front with both. :)


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