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-   -   Long story short... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34282)

MonoPoly999 12-04-2012 02:33 AM

Long story short...
I am in a relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years. She has always been poly. I have been mono, but opened my heart to this lifestyle. I have spent hours upon months trying to learn more as much as I can, open myself to things and new ways of thinking/living. I've done pretty well, considering my past.

My issue is, my gf seems to be doing poly wrong. We have a "open, honest" relationship - but in the past, she had arranged a meeting with some guy (we are both bi) and never told me 1) the extent of her feelings or the intentions of their 'relationship' and 2) never told me she was planning on meeting up with this guy until I learned it myself.

Trust became an issue soon.

Recently, she had made mention of meeting with different people. One guy or another, in particular...whatever. I opened her browser - to a mutually used computer - and an OKCupid profile had been there. She is very active here. She told me she had a profile, but didn't use it.

Does this throw up red flags for anyone else like it does me? Wouldn't you think in an open relationship, she would be - just that - open, and tell me about pretty much everything? I have a mono background, but that would just seem legit in a poly relationship. She plans meeting up with people, without telling me - I can't help she has no respect for my safety, much less hers. She demands me to open up and communicate more - but she doesn't give me the same respect.

I'm ascared this is a foreshadowing to a painful breakup or a painful realization - for herself and me.

Opinions? Advice? Throw a girl a bone, would ya mind?

WhatHappened 12-04-2012 03:45 AM

You are right. Poly is open, upfront, and honest. Things done behind a spouse's back, lying, secrecy, and deception--those are cheating.

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