Starting to feel a little overwhelmed
I am hoping to get insight from more experienced people... ;)
Background info: in a relationship for 13 years, always open, but very few outside relationships, and he has been always the lucky one ;). All relationsthips were pretty short because the other people involved were not poly and they went pretty bad. Now we live in different cities because of work, although we can see each other almost every weekend. He lives in the big city and works with social people, I live in a small city and work with my PC ;).
Relationship: He has been in a new one for 2 months now; it started pretty casual, now they are seeing each other almost every day and sleeping at each other place's several times a week. It is her first poly experience, but she is surprisingly cool with it. It is not clear how much involvement she wishes or how she feels about him, but clearly they are sharing a lot more than sex :).
Me: I was very proud until a couple of weeks ago, because I was feeling in control, almost zero jealousy or envy. Lots of talk with SO, but eveything OK. But now I feel I am starting to feel overwhelmed. Maybe it is because I am stressed at work, have been sleeping less, feeling sick and not going to the gym (it always helps me with my mood). But it is also clear that this is a new situation for me, because this is the first relationship he is seeing the other person so often and that the other relationship resembles so much a "normal" relationship. Also, last weekend was the first one since all started that we didnít see each other and they spent part of the weekend together.
Now I am feeling very insecure. He is great and has offered several times to slow down the pace, but I don't like the idea. We are talking a lot and he is being very empathic and does everything right. Even so, I feel insecure: If he will eventually leave me, if we are losing our connection, what would happen if I was living there... Also, I have never felt negative about my girlfriend's SO and now I am starting to, without having meeting her! I was feeling very enthusiastic about her, because she seems a great person. Now sometimes I feel a little bit as if we are enemies, although I know it is totally irrational. My SO and me tried to meet with her just once recently but she said no (I guess for her is not a big deal to meet me, she is pretty busy and she doesn't know that for me it is important). I guess that, also irrationally, her "no" increased my insecurities.
More things. Previous to all this, the plan was for me to move with him soon. I feel this will make things much easier, but on the other hand I am worried that he can resent the new situation. Losing his place, not being able to meet her everyday... . I am also worried about how she will feel about all this.
Anyhow. I think I know first thing I should do is to let her know that I'd really like to meet her. Also, long talks with my SO and lots of cuddling. Any other advice? :)
Thanks and sorry for the long mail! :)
Welcome to the forums. I think the feelings you're encountering are perfectly natural. And I think the right thing to do is continue to talk about these feelings with your SO as openly and honestly as you know how. I think you're right to want to meet his new paramour, and I'm a little perplexed as to why she is saying "no". Possible red flag there.
Perhaps she thinks she will threatened by you. It's hard to say. What does your SO say about her refusal to meet you?
Page 5 and page 6? Could that help articulate what you feel?
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