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-   -   My pink husband (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3404)

amalie 08-06-2010 09:12 PM

My pink husband
In December I will celebrate 30 years of marriage to my husband, lets call him C. Our relationship has been turbulent for many reasons, one of them being that he kept having affairs with other women behind my back. Our 2 children contributed to keeping the marriage going. Some 14 years ago C started to get interested in polyamory, hearing about it because we lived in USA for a year. With a lot of inner and outer stress in my life at the time, this was beyond my capacity to grasp, but as years went by I understood that the concept was very deeply rooted in him and to make a long story short: 3 years ago we decided to take a break so that he could explore poly without me. We live in a country in Europe where a poly lifestyle in no ways can be considered a movement, like in the USA. In spite of this, he did find a woman whom he established a relationship with, one who also explored polyamory and who already had one other male relationships going on. A month after he initiatied his new relationship he invited me to join the "group", and to my own enormous surprise, I accepted the offer after one nights shivering and crying. In this way I have been an arm in a fmfm N for 2.5 years. I have met C's girlfriend some 3 - 4 times in these years, but we do not have regular contact and we have struggled with liking each other.

So, why tell you all this. It's meant as an intro to a question I have. After a night with his girlfriend, C looks pink. A pink color is floating around him. Pink is a nice color, and a love color, so I guess it's a tribute to the quality of his relationship with her. However, it distracts me, to a degree where I have big problems being mindfull, present in the moment. The pink aura around him takes approximately 2 days to disappear. Then he is "normal" again. C has accepted that this happens, so we have ended up organizing our poly life partly according to this. The two days following a stay with his girlfriend, he lives alone. Then we meet. In practical life this means he sees her either Mondays or Tuesdays or both, then he has some days midweek on his own, and then we two are together in the weekends.

Does this sound crazy? I would truly like to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if so, how they have handled it. I want to emphasise that I'm not an especially psychic person. I'm open for suggestions that I'm unconsciously manipulating C because I've more or less been dragged into a poly life, but I don't think that is the whole answer.

Another time I would like to tell about other expericens these 2.5 years, e.g. about my jealousy, a lot of mess, but also the thrills, and the deepening of C's and my relationship. But not now. I would like input to the questions above, simply because I have never seen the issue raised in any of the poly web-sites I follow.

SchrodingersCat 08-06-2010 11:28 PM

It doesn't sound crazy to me, but I'm very open-minded and kinda weird ;)

I've never experienced it, but I don't regularly see aurae. I could ask my husband about it. He doesn't see them so much as feel them.

I just did a quick Google of "aura colours" and the first hit gives a list of what emotions correspond to the colours, as well as a bit of a description about what the aura is.


Originally Posted by Aura_Color_Meanings
Pink-bright and light: Loving, tender, sensitive, sensual, artistic, affection, purity, compassion; new or revieved romantic relationship. Can indicate clairaudience.

Are his pink post-romance-visits the only time you see aurae? Or is it just this one that's particularly distracting?

Either way, I think it's really cool that you can see his aura :)

Naess 08-07-2010 01:36 AM

Doesn't seem strange at all. I can't see people's aura's but I can feel them.

Ariakas 08-07-2010 04:12 AM

I did when I was a kid. I don't know, but if you search around someone had mentioned they see pink when in NRE...so I guess its possible :)...

bimblynim 08-07-2010 07:20 AM


Originally Posted by amalie (Post 38886)
Does this sound crazy? I would truly like to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if so, how they have handled it. I want to emphasise that I'm not an especially psychic person. I'm open for suggestions that I'm unconsciously manipulating C because I've more or less been dragged into a poly life, but I don't think that is the whole answer.

crazy - no. Its facinating to me. i experience auras but they tend to be pretty stabble in terms of "colour"/hew (which seems to reflect personality) To me changes in mood etc are reflected in the "shape"/quality of the aura (i'm using "" because they are the best way i've found of explaining the experience, darn qualia!:p) I'm intrigued by how you experience auras, do diferent emotions have the same colours for who ever you see? (is everyone with romantic energy aura pink- or is it just C's?) and like SchrodingersCat I'd love to know what (if any) other times you experience aura?

I experience auras with most people, just as i see them but they generally don't bother me.

If you haven't allready it might be worth considering whether it's that he's been with her or the colour/feeling that bothers you most?

I can understand you wanting to have your normal energy dynamic. Also in any case, I don't feel you are "manipulating" but negotiating how you can cope with the relationship, something you have every right to do. If the aura give you a framewok that guide you to do it, i don't think there is anything wrong with that.

All the best


amalie 08-09-2010 09:51 PM

Thanks for answers + new questions
Thanks to all of you who have mailed your reactions to my concerns, I appreciate response! To answer some of your questions: No, I don't normally see auras. I did occationally when I was around 20 years old, and it scared me and I did a lot to get rid of it. Doesn't take you anywhere. So it has come as a surprise that this happens now, and only around my husband. That is why I get cautios. I don't think it is cool. It disturbs me. When we are together, I strive to be totally present and in the moment, greatful for time shared. With the pink around him, it is as if we are not alone, but three in the room. I remember princess Diana when she was interviewed about the faliure of her marriage with prince Charles: "It became a bit crowded in there".

Some of you seem to feel other peoples energy, while bimblynim actually sees auras. What I am wondering about now, is if quite a few of us have this sense, or ability, to feel if our partner(s) have been into intimate relationships with others, although not as clear as with me actually seeing a pink colour. Can this be an unconscious motivation for many to stay within mono relationships? They can't handle the "crowded" feeling? Furthermore, are there ways to get out of this, i.e. not let it bother you? As I described in my first post, we have partly organized our live around this, and it would be nice to become a bit more flexible.

Regallion 08-10-2010 01:39 AM

I've been able to feel and see energy...when it comes to my partner, when he is with another woman I receive signals like my body temperature fluctuating to cold or hot,nervousness, solar plexus anxiety...Im so sensitive I know down to the hour when he is having intercourse with one of his lovers...with that said, we have firm agreements around choosing partners that accept eachother , and our relationship.Before this agreement When he's was with a lover I trusted It felt like butterflies in my stomach like being on a rollercoaster, both pleasant and a little nervous, yet manageable. When he would chose to sleep with a lover whom was less trustworthy (and proved to be so as time went on) I would feel sick and solar plexus pain.

Seeing Aura's can be useful, also have you considered that his Aura is pink because coming home to you after being with a lover ignites his love and affection for you more deeply, thus you see his Aura more easily based on your connection to him?

amalie 08-10-2010 09:34 PM

Dear Regallion - you are really supersensitive, I don't know if I would have handled what you experience. I think you sound very brave. I will contemplate your last suggestion - I like input like that, ideas that challenge me.

dragonflysky 08-11-2010 06:55 AM

You/your husband might want to try "cleansing" his aura after his visits. Auras are basically energy fields. When you get right down to it everything is made up of energy. There's nothing necessarily magic or spooky about it. Oriental medicine has worked with meridians, e.g., patterns/grids of flowing energy, in order to heal people just about forever. Certain frequencies/types of energies give off certain colors. Some people are more sensitive to them than others.

It's not that it's necessarily negative energy in terms of your husband's aura, but it can still be cleansed. Run an internet search on "cleansing an aura". Lots of recommendations/techniques come up. Some suggestions are a bit "woo-woo", but others are pretty practical and down to earth.

FYI: I don't see auras. I've done massage therapy in the past though, and often have felt energy. I had to be careful about consciously "releasing" the energy between massage clients, so I didn't carry it from one person to another or hold onto it inside myself. My cleansing ritual involved me visualizing (in my mind, not literally) the energy being washed down the drain as I was washing my hands and arms between massages. Different people have different methods.

amalie 08-16-2010 08:19 PM

Dear Dragonflysky, I just want to let you know I'm working on your ideas and suggestions. They were good ones, thanks!

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