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-   -   How to I express my interest in poly to BF (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33931)

CaliGuy 12-02-2012 06:18 AM

How to I express my interest in poly to BF
Hello, let me start off with we are both male under 30 and have been together for 5 years.

I am wondering how to bring up the idea of polyamoury without seeming ungrateful or any other newbie mistakes I might not realize. We have a close friendship with a guy and I would love to become closer to him rather than our playtime which is only every month or two. My Boyfriend and I only play together with our friend at this moment in time. This is great and wonderful, but I am noticing that over the last year I have started to think about him more and want the possibility of going to that next level. Hook ups are fun and all, but I am really more a lovie dovie guy (all all that drama that comes with it.)
I've been out of town for the last three weeks and the two of them got to spend some much needed time together, I was hoping more would have come out of it. I was hoping there would be some kind of an over night "we're in love" kind of a thing, that obviously did not happen. I believe it was just a nice dinner and a movie, but they still got to spend time alone so that's a good thing. I was kinda hoping I could avoid the whole akward conversation, but I know that I must do the right thing and get on the same page.
How did everyone else get involved in this life style? Thoughts? Ideas? Advice? Anything is much appreciated, thank you.

Anneintherain 12-03-2012 09:51 AM

Oh ya, being passive aggressive (well it is) and hoping HE will want it and bring it up and make it happen so you don't have to be brave isn't usually the best way to go. I imagine now people give advice to watch that Showtime poly show and use that as a reason to bring up poly? If its not a show you'd naturally watch or you would feel it was too much of a stretch to draw comparisons between them and what you wanted (mff triad and a mfmf quad), you could peruse this list and see if there are any that might be more natural for you to watch with him.

I'm just gonna say, if you are too scared to say awkward and hard things, you may find it a struggle to navigate being poly. If it's just this first suggestion to bring up a possible dynamic change that's the hurdle and you think you can handle being honest after that point, it probably wont be so bad. Get a couple books from the website and book recommendation list, they probably have some ideas on how to communicate this stuff.

Or just practice a brief speech. "I have fun when we spend time and play with X - do you ever think it might be enjoyable to do more than just play with him since he is a good friend? That thought came up in my mind and I wanted to talk with you about it and see what your thoughts were on it."

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