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-   -   Helen Fisher-anthropologist. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3375)

redpepper 08-03-2010 07:16 AM

Helen Fisher-anthropologist.
 
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fishe...ove_cheat.html

Start at 16.30 minutes... three different brain systems and why we can love more than one... also why casual sex is not always so casual.

This whole clip is interesting to me, especially the part at 18.08, where she talks about what anti-depressants are doing to our ability to love!

At 3.30 she talks about how we become pocessive when we are in love. When we aren't so much we don't really care that much if they are sleeping with others....

Lots about NRE here!

This is worth a whole listen, but hopefully the times indicate some of the most valid points.

Comments?

MonoVCPHG 08-03-2010 07:30 AM

At 1730 she does state that you can be in love with more than one person. She attributes this to the three brain systems, Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment. She points out that they are not always in sync but that they can be too. She says you can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. She doesn’t say you can have Attachment for more than one though..what message does this really imply? Does this mean she doesn’t think you can have all three for more than one person?

Her talk was about adult bonding relationships..not sibling or parental love just to clarify.
I've e-mailed her directly for some clarification and hopefully will get a response :)

I like the way she says "I think" for many of her theories as she is not claiming to be certain or that her way is the only way.

She also stated that the divorce rate in the U.S. has stabilized and is actually decreasing. Who would have thought?

EugenePoet 08-03-2010 11:51 AM

Side note -- loved the story about the rickshaw ride. My new GF had never been backpacking, and I took her on a two-night pack trip into the Three Sisters Wilderness. But I think we was already fallin' inna luv before we went (well, I know it) so the trip wasn't a fair test of the novelty-as-aphrodisiac theory.

redpepper 08-04-2010 03:37 AM

kind of on a role.... this one?
Cheating in monogamous men is to be expected, so arrange to keep them on a leash rather than roaming the neighborhood.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/0...id=DrmnfgBz_Vg

redpepper 08-04-2010 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 38434)
She attributes this to the three brain systems, Lust, Romantic Love and Attachment. She points out that they are not always in sync but that they can be too. She says you can have Attachment for one while having Romantic Love for another. She doesn’t say you can have Attachment for more than one though..what message does this really imply? Does this mean she doesn’t think you can have all three for more than one person?

I think you can have all three for one person, but I think it can change over time and then change again. If one is missing for a long time, we might seek it out in another.... especially lust!

Derbylicious 08-04-2010 04:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 38433)
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fishe...ove_cheat.html


This whole clip is interesting to me, especially the part at 18.08, where she talks about what anti-depressants are doing to our ability to love!


Comments?

Yikes...even more reason to go off the things ASAP!

bimblynim 08-04-2010 06:34 AM

ooh thanks for sharing! v intersting! :D

redpepper 08-05-2010 05:56 AM

I just listened to Helen again and noticed that she said that casual sex releases endorphins that make one think that they are in love, when really they just orgasmed. HA, new take on certain types of poly for me with that one... all good, it's different from me but all good. Feeling love is feeling love, even if it is only for a moment and you want to call it poly.

dragonflysky 08-06-2010 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derbylicious (Post 38523)
Yikes...even more reason to go off the things ASAP!

I didn't listen to the clip since I have no speakers with my computer. (Yes I know, I live in the dark ages! LOL) But....for someone who lived with depression for a long time and tried therapy, alone, to get better, finding anti-depressant medication that helped was a "love-life" saver. I sure as hell wasn't capable of loving much when I was so darned depressed! Meds aren't for everyone, but they were a necessity for me to get my life back on track and moving forward.

redpepper 08-06-2010 06:11 AM

If I remember correctly dragonfly, she says that the prolonged us of them depletes ones ability to make serotonin and this can lead to not feeling the love feeling we get when we cum. Because we need to have three different parts to love in order to feel it completely it means the the circle is broken and we aren't able to love fully... something like that... it's her opinion and worry for our future.

Pharmaceuticals have a tight grasp on our cultures consumption of anti-depressants and she is saying that really they should be for short term use in conjunction with therapy... of course the thing is that our now culture has made it so there is no patience for process and no money to help people into therapy or through it successfully, so we are trapped... that's my thought anyways.

did you read the comments below the video?


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