Polyamory-friendly counselors
 

My husband and I live in a conservative area and are planning on going to couples counseling. Has anyone found it difficult to find a polyamory-friendly counselor in conservative areas?

A while ago nycindie put together an awesome post full of links to various resources, which includes looking for poly-friendly professionals. If you haven't seen it, that post is here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...6&postcount=19

I haven't looked for poly-friendly counselors yet, nor do I really live in a conservative area, but the way I look at it, if they haven't heard of poly and aren't willing to learn, you don't want to go to them anyway. Same for someone who has heard of poly but is judgmental of it. If they aren't willing to learn about new things and open their mind, or if they're going to let their own biases and prejudices interfere, they probably aren't a very good counselor. So in some ways, asking how they feel about poly during a phone interview could narrow down your options and make your selection easier!

Good advice. Thank you.

When I first phoned my counsellor to ask about seeing someone, one of the first things she asked me is "Have you ever interviewed a counsellor before?"

The way she said it made it sound not only permissible, but expected.

So get out the phone book and start calling. You won't be charged for asking some basic questions to find out whether it's a good fit, and that can save you a lot of headache down the road.

Oddly enough, I haven't actually bothered asking my counsellor if she's poly friendly. She's definitely queer friendly (being as she's queer herself). But I wasn't going for relationship-related issues, so to me it wasn't really relevant. She's very good at focusing on the fact that my issues are my own, and not to be blamed on the people in my life.

Is there a poly group anywhere near you? Maybe some of the members can refer you.

This is usually my first stop when looking for something of that nature.

http://www.polychromatic.com/pfp/main.php

+1 to another poster on shopping around!

i'm not in couples counseling but i do have a therapist, and she is very open to discussing my husbands.

I didn't have any problems finding a counselor. In fact, I was going off a list of specifically Christian counselors, so I was surprised by the open-mindedness I encountered. A good counselor is going to be there for you, to meet your needs - not trying to push their own morality onto your life.

I check on the Gay and Lesbian Medical Associations Find a Provider

Not directly poly oriented, but professionals who describe themselves as being welcoming to clients with alternative lifestyles. The list isn't huge yet, so if you know of a great therapist or other health care provider who is "all inclusive" you might want to suggest they sign up for a free listing.

One more thought: if you do start seeing a therapist, and after a few sessions you feel that they are not very poly-friendly or are not giving very poly-friendly advice, don't be afraid to seek out a different therapist.

I made a mistake in staying with one therapist for 6 months even though she could not grasp what I meant by "having feelings for more than one person." She could not fathom why I was deeply grieving for the demise of a relationship in which I had wanted to see other people. She kept telling me that I must have Asperger's (I don't) or that I needed serious medication and/ or a full psych exam (which would have cost $2000 beyond my insurance).