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LoveLoveLove 11-27-2012 08:33 AM

3 women
We are 3 women, 2 of which were in a long term relationship with each other for over 15 years which was failing, one is a newbie, in the midst of a divorce, to the lesbian world. What started out as an affair with newbie and M1 quickly turned to a deep love. Due to other things newbie left her husband and moved onto the couch of the the couple. All 3 of us have caretaker personalities. Newbie and M1 discussed bringing M2, the other half of the long term relationship, in on sexual situtions. Surprisingly M2 was thrilled. This is a closed relationship. We have no want or need to go out of this relationship. It has not been going on for very long and while the road is very enjoyable, it is bumpy. We are learning to trust and let the little things go. Everyday we are more in love. But feeling do get hurt if our hearts are too sensitive. The 3 side are not equal at least at this point. M1 and newbie are more in love and m2 isn't home as much. We have rules and boundries. M2 is finding herself in love with newbie now, and we are hoping to make the long haul. More later.

kdt26417 11-28-2012 08:14 AM

Welcome LoveLoveLove,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you are in the beginnings of your poly relationship, and beginnings usually have the really bumpy roads. If you can hang in there and work through things, you can get to a time where things start to smooth out.

Triads are rarely made up of an equilateral triangle; the connection in one of the dyads is often more intense than in another of the dyads. Don't try too hard to make everything equal; just focus on getting each person's unique needs met.

Polyamory.com can help, so look around at the different threads and see what calls to you. We also have search and tag search. If you have any questions, just ask.

Glad to have you aboard.
Kevin T.

Dirtclustit 11-28-2012 07:38 PM

I like the way it sounds like you understand exactly how trust and being trustworthy can effectively be used to not worry about the little things.

RfromRMC 11-29-2012 01:37 PM


Your situation does sound familiar.
Here's a really good article I recommend that could be very helpful: http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2010/03...ks-for-triads/

Good luck!


EVEMSW 12-05-2012 08:41 PM

Thank you
Thank you for your post... I think for me the fear is the bumpy parts and I am very emotional and wear my heart on my sleve.

LoveLoveLove 12-06-2012 09:42 AM

It's been a couple of weeks and we actually have 2 days withtout tears. The dynamics change daily.Some issues come and go, other are lingering with no clear answers yet. There are no issues with any of us when the 3 of us are in bad. The issues arise when it's one on one and the 3rd person feels left out or has fear issues. We cannot all 3 be together 24/7. M2 wants alone (sexual) time with M1. I do believe m2 and newbie would like that to be an option between them, which at this point it is not. It's baby steps,a few tears and alot of discussion. I often ask myself, what will it take away from me
(newbie) if m1 and m2 share some private sexual time. I can think of nothing yet it stirs feeling of inadquitness, nausea and heart pain. Being that m1 and m2 have been together for 16 years there are alot of old emotional damage that seems to be falling to the wayside. It makes my heart soar to see m1 falling in love with m2. It hurts to see or imagine m1 and m2 in sexual situations without newbie, if only because am a newbie and am learning my way around the female bodies whereas they know each others bodies very well and they work each other. Surprisingly m1 is still at the point where newbies heart come first among all. I want to be able to walk out of the house and imagine anything happening at home with m1 and m2 without bursting into tears and having a heavy heart. M2 has the least amount of time home, leaving m1 and newbie to thier own devices for hours on end, no questions asked. But I see in her eyes, sometimes she knows and likes it and sometimes she's trying to bury her hurt feelings. M1 is in complete control. She is the top of the triangle. She also seems to have the weakest heart. We all agree, we will get thru this and we are in for the long haul.

kdt26417 12-06-2012 09:28 PM

It sounds like this is an emotional time for you, both the happy and the hurt emotions. It's probably somewhat emotional for M2 as well. I can't tell as much for M1, although she is kind of in the middleman position and it might be stressful for her to try to balance things between you and M2. You're kind of in a V situation at the moment (or an "emotional triad"), but a "full-on" triad might be in your future as you and M2 spend time together. I would suggest at least spending some platonic one-on-one time with M2, perhaps in a "girl's night out" setting.

Mainly, if you'll continue to take things in small steps, and talk with each other, and keep the communication flowing, you'll come out fine, and things will gradually get easier.

I send you my best wishes.
Kevin T.

Fae 12-07-2012 02:40 AM

I'm glad to read about your experiences because of how much your situation reminds me of my own. The anxiety, the worry, the fear of being somehow only a "second class" part of the relationship by virtue of being the newcomer, the uncertainty that comes of not having the same degree of connection to both partners...

It has helped me a lot to be brave and not hesitate to share my feelings and my "headbees." Every time I've finally managed to get up the nerve to share my insecurities with my partners (usually in person; once via email, when I was particularly unsure how to find the "right moment"!), I've been met with reassurance and support. I think that I've found that I just have to be okay with playing these things by ear; it's unrealistic to expect that my feelings for my girlfriend and for my boyfriend will progress in the same way or at the same pace, so I see no reason to try to force it.

I hope everything works out for you and your partners.

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