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-   -   Loving equally but differently? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33485)

BlazenBurn 11-26-2012 12:02 AM

Loving equally but differently?
 
Issues with our happy poly family once again.

Background: Getting divorced from mono husband. Dating Darling who is married and also dating Chatty.

A few weeks back Darling gave Chatty a ring. It was a nice wedding band. I didn't even know about it until she told me. Personally, it wasn't an issue because that is between the two of them.

Our entire poly family was together over the holidays. After discussion with Chatty, his wife and I, he bought me a ring. An engagement ring. His wife has approved. I'm not sure if they will divorce, although it's not out of the question. I don't know if and when we will actually marry.

Chatty is not dealing well with this. Although she continually refers to legal marriage as a "piece of paper" she is now saying that she is losing Darling. Even though he is not leaving her. She thinks that Darling is more in love with me. I don't think he is "more" in love with me but we do have a different kind of love.

Darling and I have known each other for a very long time. He states he has been in love with me for years, way before we decided to be romatically connected. He has told me that I am his soulmate. Which to him does not equate into an exclusive relationship just that we are very deeply connected.

Darling has told me that he and she are together just because his wife was dating her husband. They started dating and stayed together. He loves her very much but I don't think she is seeing that right now.

Do you think that you can love others differently but equally? Is it impossible not to become more attached to one partner? How do you handle the changing dynamic?

GalaGirl 11-26-2012 12:08 AM

Quote:

Do you think that you can love others differently but equally? Is it impossible not to become more attached to one partner? How do you handle the changing dynamic?
I subscribe to love theory -- so I could see having different kinds of love at different points in time with the same person. I could see having different kinds of love with different people.

I'm not sure what you mean by handling the changing dynamic. You mean internally? How I feel inside as things evolve to wherever they do? Or in terms of other partners dealing with evolution of feelings and me dealing with THAT?

GG

LovingRadiance 11-26-2012 03:39 AM

I definitely love my children equally and VERY differently.
I definitely love my sister and brother equally and VERY differently.
I definitely love my DH and my bf equally and VERY differently.

In addition-what I like about each is different and what I want from/with each is different.


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