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-   -   Love -- finite or infinite? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3341)

SchrodingersCat 07-30-2010 12:44 AM

Love -- finite or infinite?
 
I often hear from polies that they have an infinite capacity for love.

I don't buy it.

I'm not saying they're lying, I think they just haven't reached their limit yet.

I mean, there are a LOT of numbers between 1 and infinity, and only 24 hours in the day, 16 of which are usually spent working and sleeping, during which time you're not doing a lot of lovin'!

It's not even possible to KNOW infinitely many people, never mind love them!

Thoughts?

FireChild 07-30-2010 12:52 AM

I feel like when you're in a relationship you have to give a portion of yourself to it and there's only so much of it to give. Like...after a while (depending on the life you lead) it begins to not be fair to the people you're dating if you date too many (for you),

jkelly 07-30-2010 12:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 37969)
I often hear from polies that they have an infinite capacity for love.

...

It's not even possible to KNOW infinitely many people, never mind love them!

Just to clarify, are you actually talking about someone saying that they could love an infinite number of people? If that's the case, I can imagine why you're skeptical; there's some sort of metaphysics going on there that's hard to grasp.

But really, if someone were to say to me "I have an infinity capacity for love", I'd think that meant "I am not going to 'run out' of love", which I think is a pretty reasonable statement.

SchrodingersCat 07-30-2010 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jkelly (Post 37973)
Just to clarify, are you actually talking about someone saying that they could love an infinite number of people? If that's the case, I can imagine why you're skeptical; there's some sort of metaphysics going on there that's hard to grasp.

But really, if someone were to say to me "I have an infinity capacity for love", I'd think that meant "I am not going to 'run out' of love", which I think is a pretty reasonable statement.

I was struggling to figure out what I meant, as I wrote it.

Yes, it's completely obvious that no one can love an infinite number of people (except for some kind of spiritual sense).

"Not going to 'run out' of love"... When you put it that way, it does sound pretty reasonable. But then, why doesn't everyone claim to have an infinite capacity for love?

Do some people believe they are going to run out of love?

When Mono talks about the fact that if he ever finds himself loving someone else, it means he's stopped loving the other person, does that mean he only has a finite amount of love? [[sorry to put you on the spot, Mono]]

marksbabygirl 07-30-2010 02:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 37981)
"Not going to 'run out' of love"... When you put it that way, it does sound pretty reasonable. But then, why doesn't everyone claim to have an infinite capacity for love?

Because for some people they want to focus their love on a finite number of people.

A flame shared does not diminish itself - but for some people - its easier just holding on to one or two candles :)

SchrodingersCat 07-30-2010 02:17 AM

OoOoO...fire! Good analogy!

When you add more fuel to a fire, not only does the new log burn, but the old log burns hotter!

MonoVCPHG 07-30-2010 02:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 37969)

Thoughts?

I love Redpepper more and more. I think my love for her is infinite. I do have an finite number of people I can love intimately though. 1.

Intimate love is a completely different thing than the kind of love I have for other people though.

MonoVCPHG 07-30-2010 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marksbabygirl (Post 37983)

A flame shared does not diminish itself - but for some people - its easier just holding on to one or two candles :)

A flame shared for some has a beginning and an end....that's how I work. It has nothing to do with anything else. I love one person at a time.

HappiestManAlive 07-30-2010 02:45 AM

I seem to have a pretty infinite ability to love.

I also have discovered that 3 relationships is near the ragged edge of my daily ability to stay sane. Frankly if all 3 weren't so committed to each others' well being as well as the relationship as a whole, a triad would be hard enough, nevermind whatever we have now (a triad with a an arm of sorts I guess).

So both points are valid. A flame shared does not diminish itself; adding fuel to the fire makes the old log burn hotter; but there's only so much fuel to throw on, or one persson may only fan so many flames, lol.

I coud see where adding more males or bi/les females could divide the labor so to speak, but maintaining a level of intimacy and connection on a relationship level between any one person and the group as a whole - 3 is my limit!

LovingRadiance 07-30-2010 06:10 AM

I really like the thoughts here. :)

I don't believe that I could "run out of love" but I do know people who DO believe that.

AND

I do know that there is a limit to how many people I can be intimately involved with because MY expectations for how much I put into the relationships is high and I can't uphold my expectations if there are more than 2-3.


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