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-   -   new to this (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33325)

availablecouple 11-23-2012 03:20 AM

new to this
 
:pWe are a young married couple looking so expand our horizons. We have been having trouble in our marriage because ive always felt something was missing. Ive cheated and fallen in love with other people over the last seven years but I always feel as though something is missing. I was so confused until I heard the term polyamorous. When I read up on it, i knew that this was something for me. Im bisexual and I cant seem to love just one person. I have so much love to give. Now our only problem is finding someone to love the both of us as much as I want to love someone. We are having so much trouble but we're hopefull. Im so excited to finally be able to love a woman with the acceptance of my husband.

SchrodingersCat 11-23-2012 03:53 AM

Why does this woman have to love both of you? What if you meet someone that you really like and who really likes you, but she and your husband just don't hit it off?

Your chances will be much better if you and your husband date separately.

availablecouple 11-23-2012 04:00 AM

Like I had mentioned, I had cheated before and my husband wants to be with me and someone else, just like I want to be with him and another woman. I dont know, It just feels right.

niceinjeans 11-23-2012 05:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by availablecouple (Post 168232)
Like I had mentioned, I had cheated before and my husband wants to be with me and someone else, just like I want to be with him and another woman. I dont know, It just feels right.

What you are seeking is rare. I believe SchrodingersCat is suggesting the restrictions you are placing on potential partners will severely limit your available dating pool; this is further complicated by the fact that most new couples to poly are seeking the exact same unicorn situation.

All relationships develop at different speeds. If you and a woman were to hit it off immediately and want to be involved, would you turn her away because she did not gel with your husband? What if the potential exists for your husband and not you? Just some things to think about.

NIJ

SchrodingersCat 11-24-2012 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by availablecouple (Post 168232)
Like I had mentioned, I had cheated before and my husband wants to be with me and someone else, just like I want to be with him and another woman. I dont know, It just feels right.

So that answers my "why" question.

But what about if you meet someone wonderful, but she doesn't get along with your husband? What if your husband doesn't get along with her? Will it meet your poly needs if it happens that you're continually sending women away on account of incompatibility with your husband?

Plus, is your husband even polyamorous? That is, does he see himself truly capable of being in love with more than one person at a time? Or is he just along for the ride?

My last question is, what do you plan for in case this does work out, but then down the road the relationship fizzles between you and the girlfriend or your husband and the girlfriend. Will the other spouse be forced to break up with her also?

While I do think you will have challenges ahead, I respect all consensual forms of non-monogamy, so I'm not saying "don't even try it." I just think it's good to sit down and talk about all the options, and make sure you're choosing something reasonable.


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