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-   -   Primary Female (bi) partner has a new gay girlfriend. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33303)

TOROdeSerenity 11-22-2012 12:34 PM

Primary Female (bi) partner has a new gay girlfriend.
 
So I'm a new guy to poly and of course my primary girlfriend who is Bisexual wasn't fulfilled so we've opened our relationship up towards being polyamourus. I'm quite happy with what I've found but now I have delima. She found someone she likes and is dating her regularly.. at least for now. (they have been dating for 3 weeks now and seem to really be clicking well). I like her as a person, a lot.

So, as it turns out there is now a new gay girl in the picture and I have met her 3 times and it seems like everytime she's saying hello or goodbye I get a kiss and she's going for my lips. I'm not sure If it's hopeful thinking or I'm getting mixed signals. I was talking to her and she actually described herself as pansexual.. do I go for it or allow my primary partner to have her new girlfriend all to herself? (I'm currently talking to some girls but not actively dating- just courting online.. I have alot of unrelated transitional strife I'm more interested in dealing with right now and I'm considering not dating anyone else, just focusing on my inner issues).

And another question. . If she's now my girlfriends' girlfriend how should I introduce her to friends? suggestions? It's not like I have 2 girlfriends through osmosis or do I? I plan to build our relationship up before we go into public but I would like your suggestions on how to introduce poly relationships to family and friends.

nycindie 11-22-2012 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TOROdeSerenity (Post 168131)
do I go for it or allow my primary partner to have her new girlfriend all to herself? (I'm currently talking to some girls but not actively dating- just courting online.. I have alot of unrelated transitional strife I'm more interested in dealing with right now and I'm considering not dating anyone else, just focusing on my inner issues).

Well, there's your answer, I'd say.

It also sounds like you and your gf need to discuss boundaries.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TOROdeSerenity (Post 168131)
And another question. . If she's now my girlfriends' girlfriend how should I introduce her to friends? suggestions? It's not like I have 2 girlfriends through osmosis or do I? I plan to build our relationship up before we go into public but I would like your suggestions on how to introduce poly relationships to family and friends.

They've only just started seeing each other. Just use the term "friend" to introduce for now.

AnnabelMore 11-22-2012 05:53 PM

Why dont you just ask your gf to tell you honestly how she'd feel about you pursuing something with her gf? Then see if the gf is actually interested. As for how to introduce her, use her name, or "my friend, ___", or "[your girlfriend's name]'s girlfriend, ___."

SchrodingersCat 11-22-2012 09:16 PM

Unless you and your girlfriend's girlfriend go out without your girlfriend, it might be simpler for your girlfriend to do the introducing.

You didn't name her, so I'll make one up. I'm fond of the "This is Betty" approach. Why the need to label her role? She's Betty first, and her relationship role just reflects who she dates, not who she is. Depending on the context of the introduction, it will be obvious that she's "a friend or something" and that's all anyone really needs to know. If they're curious, tell them to ask your girlfriend for details. They're her beans to spill.

If you figure you've got issues to deal with before you're ready for multiple-dating, then you're probably right. But that won't take forever, so some advice for when you're ready:

First, talk to your girlfriend to see how she would feel about you dating Betty. Not to say she should have the right to veto your relationship, but it's good to know where she stands. But at the end of the day, your girlfriend doesn't own Betty and she doesn't own you. She doesn't have the right to tell either one of you whether you're "allowed" to date each other.

At the same time, ask her if you're crazy for thinking Betty is sending you mixed signals. Maybe that's just how she is with everyone; some people are like that.

TOROdeSerenity 11-23-2012 09:21 PM

Thanks, I've revisited relationship boundaries and things are moving forward. Thanks guys.


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