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-   -   Poly emails (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33290)

greta631 11-21-2012 10:53 PM

Poly emails
My partner sometimes sends the same "I love you", "Thank you for being here" emails to his other partner as he does me, to save time. It hurts my feelings, can anyone help me navigate this?

nycindie 11-21-2012 10:59 PM

Navigate what? It seems simple to me - tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't want cut and pasted form messages, that you prefer unique original messages that he takes the time to write just for you, so that you know your are special to him, and if he can't make time for something so easy that is that important to you, then don't bother sending a message at all.

Boom, done. Is there a reason you felt you needed to "navigate" something instead of simply expressing your discomfort?

polychronopolous 11-22-2012 02:05 AM

What Nycindie said. If it was a long impersonal message informing both of you about travel plans then ending with "...love you guys. XX O0", that would be one thing. But if it was supposed to be a personal message yet someone couldn't find the time to speak to me as an individual, that message would be worth about nothing to me. You might let your partner know how you feel about it rather than just finding a way to cope with it.


LovingRadiance 11-22-2012 03:14 AM

I periodically do the same (send a message to both loves at one time) but always something along the lines of "traffic is bad-running late xo"

However-I agree completely with Nyc-if you are going to navigate relationships of any kind well-you need to be able to speak your needs clearly and concisely.
As Galagirl says-we aren't mindreaders.

So-tell him that you would prefer no message to having a dual message. THEN ACCEPT that may mean no message.

My husband would prefer no message over a dual message-so, frequently he gets no message because I'm not inclined to send the same message twice.
My boyfriend prefers no text over a dual text because it screws up his phone-so frequently-he gets no text because I'm not inclined to write it twice.

Anek 11-22-2012 11:44 AM

However, there are a limited number of ways to say "I love you"... in so many words.

BoringGuy 11-22-2012 02:27 PM


Originally Posted by Anek (Post 168124)
However, there are a limited number of ways to say "I love you"... in so many words.

That's one more reason why it's better to say it to each person individually. What, it's too much work to say it twice? Even the excuse of having a limited number of text on your plan doesn't fly. Or don't use text messages if you can't afford to add more of them just so you can say "I love you" to your legions of partners. But yes, there is something preferable about the personal nature of that sort of message, even if it is just knowing that they took the time to exit the menu and start a message just for you.

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