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-   -   Handfasting. . . alternatives to traditional wedding. . .advice? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33217)

smokymtngirl85 11-20-2012 12:43 AM

Handfasting. . . alternatives to traditional wedding. . .advice?
So I need some advice from those with knowledge in alternative wedding ceremonies.

I've tried googling and researching but all I seem to be able to find religious, superstition, or wiccan based alternative to traditional marriage.

We want to have a ceremony that simply represents us and our bond and unification with regards to the fact that this is a poly relationship. We do not want to involve any form of religion or superstitions whatsoever.

So here are my questions:

What is a historically accurate Handfasting that does NOT involve wiccan beliefs or the beliefs or any one "religion?" Please keep in mind i know nothing about handfasting other than what i have read via google and so far it just seems silly to me or too intensely "belief" based.

I am french/irish and my fiance is Scottish. . .I'd like to incorporate non-superstition/religion based traditions from these cultures into the ceremony but am very unfamiliar. suggestions?

Are there any other types of alternative ceremonies?

I am not the type of person who likes to make up my own thing lol i am looking for at least a mold to follow that I can tweak with ideas from other ceremonies and put it all into one gorgeous ceremony.

I do know that I will be wearing a traditional wedding dress and my fiance a tux. My husband is still unsure about if he wants a role or not so i need suggestions in that department.

I'm open to any and all suggestions! But let me mention once more that all suggestions should be religion/belief and superstition free. Our ceremony is simply about love and making the commitment to spend our lives together honestly and freely.


Precious1 11-20-2012 12:48 AM

Here's a few notes & links I put together for my ceremony next year:


The Colours Of Handfasting
In the traditions of Celtic handfasting the couple's wrists are bound together
using ribbons of thirteen different colours.
Each colour has it's own special meaning:

Red: passion, strength, lust, fertility
Orange: encouragement, attraction, kindness, plenty
Yellow: charm, confidence, joy, balance
Green: finances, fertility, charity, prosperity, health
Blue: tranquility, patience, devotion, sincerity
Purple: Power, piety, sanctity, sentimentality
Black: strength, wisdom, vision, success
White: purity, concentration, meditation, peace
Gray: neutrality, canceling, balance
Pink: unity, honor, truth, romance, happiness
Brown: earth, grounding, talent, telepathy, home
Silver: treasure, values, creativity, inspiration
Gold: energy, wealth, intelligence, longevity


JaneQSmythe 11-20-2012 02:09 AM

You might be interested in reading about marriages that don't require an "official" to preside. Not all states allow such marriages but since you are already married to someone else it seems as though the legality is irrelevant.

My MIL and SIL were both married under a "Quaker license" in Pennsylvania which allows two people to marry themselves without a third party. (Wikipedia article on "Self-uniting Marriage".) Perhaps your husband would be interested in being a narrator / master of ceremonies at such a wedding? Introducing you and explaining the nature of the ceremony, and lending his blessing to the event?


nycindie 11-22-2012 06:35 PM

Look for Humanist Celebrants (or Officiants) in your area. Most Humanists are secular, although there is a branch of Spiritual Humanists, but the officiants usually write the ceremony according to what you want. Go here to find a Humanist Celebrant: http://humanist-society.org/celebrants/

You could also look for someone affiliated with the Society for Ethical Culture. Go here to find links to local Societies: http://www.nysec.org/links

SchrodingersCat 11-22-2012 08:16 PM

We incorporated a sand ceremony into our wedding. It was a traditional wedding overall, but the sand ceremony can be done in any context.


You can also go through the whole "official wedding" process, just without the license and officiator. Change the vows as necessary to match your arrangement.

There seems to be some good info here: http://www.nonreligiousweddings.com/handfasting.html

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